Stray Hawkeye

I’m not entirely sure why, but it strikes me that The Big Lebowski and The Catcher in the Rye have a fair amount in common.  I can’t exactly put my finger on what it is, and I may be off as its been several years since I last read The Catcher in the Rye.  Sort of a wandering, semi-aimless main character / protagonist who is easy to relate to, but not necessarily look up to.  He’s both profoundly self assured and entirely shake-able.  Quirky and largely driven by impulse and outside influences.  A certain reoccurring metaphorical theme around falling or feeling like you’re falling.  Brushes with the sex industry and art/artists.  Unfulfilling / odd sexual encounter, include ones centered around a certain voyeurism and also one night stands.  An attempt at denying or avoiding responsibility for the majority of the piece, but ultimately sort of accepting it, but mostly meditating on it.  Questions about identity and the inability to correctly identify it and phonies both real and perceived.  Being beaten and left curled on the floor by a stranger.  A conflict between the real and ideal worlds that the character imagines himself in.  Lots of religious overtones that are never really directly addressed.  Lots of profanity, to the degree that it occasionally seems purposely excessive.  And as much as all of that, the fact that I really like them both, but always end them feeling like I didn’t totally get it.  Like there’s something I missed, or that even though I pretty much know what it’s about, I can’t really put my finger on it or explain it.

I’ll preface this one by saying I keep going back and forth on if it’s a really good idea, or an absolutely, profoundly terrible one.

While I was at the dentist last week, I noticed that depending on the angle, I could look at the little glasses / visor thing my dentist was wearing (I would assume to keep any splash or bits of scrapped gunk from flying into her eyes) and see a reflection of what she was looking at.  It was sort of cool to see the different perspective on my mouth than I usually see, but especially for being able to actually see exactly what it was she was doing.  Now, I didn’t check to much, because the reflection, being on her glasses thingy, was directly over her eyes, making it sort of a weird making eye contact but not really thing that just seemed awkward.

However, it made me think that since they’re wearing these glasses/visor/headset thing anyway, they could easily put a little camera on there, and a little cheap lcd screen next to the light that they use to shine in your mouth, and you could watch what it was they were doing as they did it.  Dental Cam.

It would be especially handy for showing you which spots you really need to focus on brushing more, and why.  Or what happens when you don’t floss.  Or if there is some spot that they say they’re keeping an eye on, they could show you why.  And just for the general interest of seeing what exactly it is they’ve been doing in there all these years.

Now for if this is a really good or a really bad idea I think would depend in large part on how good or bad both your teeth and your dentist are.  If your teeth and dentist are good, I think it would be utterly fascinating, and make what’s generally a fairly dull half hour of laying around an educational experience that makes you feel more in control of and connected to your own health and care, and let you actually see first hand the results of the health choices you make.

On the other hand, I could also see where if you had some seriously bad dental issues and a dentist that was less than gentle, it could also turn into your own personally customized horror film.

I went to the dentist last week.  While most people seem to dread dentist visits, I actually kind of look forward to mine.  So, I thought I’d recommend mine in case any of my fellow Minneapolis residents, especially fellow transplants, are looking for a good dentist – Isles Dental.  They’re in Uptown along Hennepin, and they have a website, though it’s, um, a little less than awe-inspiring, but useful for getting the address and phone number I suppose.

Anyway, they’re always really nice and fairly upbeat, especially their receptionist, who may be the most consistently pleasant and chipper person I’ve ever come across.  Their equipment is new and clean and seems very up to date.  For instance, when they take x-rays, they show up on a laptop right next to you, and they can pull up past ones and compare them side by side, and show you what they’re looking at.  They’re also pretty good at having it not be painful (though admittedly I haven’t had any cavities recently, so I might not be the best gauge of that), and are good at having some pleasant conversation leading up to the exam, but letting it trail off just before you get to that whole trying to have a conversation with your mouth hanging open while someone hold a sharpened pick in your mouth thing that some dentists do.  They’re also just generally considerate of the small things like if the light is shining in your eyes, or if you need to swallow, or if they’ve gotten all the crunchy gunk out of your mouth.

Thought I’d pass it along in case any of you are looking for a good dentist.  I dig them.

On the flip side, does anyone know of a decent optometrist in the Twin Cities?  I’ve been to two different ones since I moved here, and really, really, disliked both of them.

A few more great comics from XKCD:

• Nowhere
• Bag Check
• Creepy
• Spinal Tap Amps
• Tornado Hunter

As it’s lent, McDonald’s has brought back their Filet-O-Fish sandwich for a limited time (aka, until Easter), and they’re running a new round of derivatives of this commercial, with the same singing fish song:

Yes, I know, it’s not only annoying and a little creepy, but it will get stuck in your head until you want to kill yourself by, in an ironic twist, driving to McDonald’s and actually eating a couple of those sandwiches so your heart clogs up with enough grease to sputter to a slimy, sludgy stop.  Clever advertising ploy that is.

Anyway, I have to say that when I first heard the song, it got me thinking.  The lyrics go:

Give me back that Filet-O-Fish.

Give me that fish.

Give me back that Filet-O-Fish.

Give me that fish.

What if it were you hanging up on this wall?

If it were you in that sandwich you wouldn’t be laughing at all.

It’s particularly those last two lines that got me thinking.  What if it were me in that sandwich?  I mentally pictured a rubber-ized cheesy Lazytown version of myself on a plaque, singing that song.  And, being the (sometimes overly) logical person that I am, my next though was of course that the song ceases to make sense.  (Right, because it made so much sense before, but hang with me here.)  It wouldn’t make sense to be singing about wanting a piece of fish back, I would need to sing about wanting an equivalent piece of myself back.  And thus the song started running through my head with the word “fish” replaced by “human”.

Give me back that Filet-O-Human.

Give me that human.

Give me back that Filet-O-Human.

Give me that human.

What if it were you hanging up on this wall?

If it were you in that sandwich you wouldn’t be laughing at all.

Kind of takes it to a whole new level of weird and creepy, doesn’t it?  And now, every time I see one of those commercials on TV, I can’t help but mentally substitute “human” into the song.

Just thought I’d share.

The video is here.  Yes, it’s long, and old, but it’s good to reflect now and then on just how terrible Bush really was.  Really gets rolling at about 4 minutes in and 13:20 is my favorite.  After about 16:30 it gets sort of lame.

Here’s how we do it.  We need to convince the oil companies that there is oil on Mars.  Stay with me here. The oil companies will then fund manned space flight to Mars so they can drill for the oil. If they eventually find it, it will prove there was once life there, which will cause the religious fundamentalists’ heads to all explode in unison (side benefit there).  Then, because using the oil on Mars would be way cheaper than shipping it to Earth (not to mention supply and demand), we could then send all of the SUVs and sports cars (and their drivers, another side benefit) to Mars.  This would also have the side benefit of decreasing congestion here. Then, all the green house gases from the SUVs and sports cars will cause global warming on Mars (Marsal warming?), which will then teraform Mars to be habitable. We can then grow food on Mars and solve world hunger, on two planets no less. The end.

Granted, the religious fundies would just deny that we had ever been to Mars, or claim the oil was put there by god 5,000 years ago to test their faith. And there would have to be oil on Mars in the first place. And we’d have to figure out how to make SUVs run at several hundred degrees below zero with double the gravity. And I have no clue how fertile Martian soil is. But I can dream, right?

Or maybe we could just reproduce less.

Pure Morning by Placebo has been stuck in my head a lot lately (standard grumble here about not being able to embed the video, and having a good song with an entirely unrelated / eh music video).  And it’s occurred to me that it would make a really good, if a bit odd, song for stripping.

In thinking about that, another song in the same genre came to mind – Pets by Porno For Pyros (really ignore that thought if you feel the need to watch the video while listening to it, as it kind of picks up on the vibe, but in a freakish female body builder way):

Any thoughts for other good, though non-standard (ie, no “I Touch Myself” by The Divinyls, or “Pour Some Sugar On Me”, or “Wild Thing”, etc), songs for stripping?

Continuing the driving theme I seem to have established over the past couple of days, the free idea this week is a Pothole Spotter website.

As bits of pavement are thawing here on the frozen tundra, the potholes seem notably worse than in past years.  Now, I’m no stranger to potholes, having lived in the upper Midwest my whole life, but some of the ones this year seem pretty exceptional.  Perhaps it’s the particular combination of weather this winter, or maybe it’s the result of reduced preventive maintenance on roads with budget cut back, I don’t know.  And mind you, I’m not talking about a little bit of pockmarked road acne here, I’m talking about the tire swallowing, axle breaking caverns.

I’ve got a few on my way to work that are so substantial that I’ve modified my usual route by a few blocks to get around them, because I’m worried I’ll end up with a flat tire one of these days if I don’t (again, these are no “just swerve around them” sized pot holes).

From what I’ve seen in past years here in Minneapolis, the city’s way of patching these is to methodically drive up and down every single street on the warm days, starting when it gets up to the 40’s or 50’s, and patch every single divot on a given street, from fist sized hiccup to black hole of death, all at once.  Which sort of makes sense in a “it’s the government” kind of way.  After all, how would they know where the really bad ones are?  Or the ones that the most people drive over in a given day?  And really, what are you going to do about it anyway?

Make a Pothole Spotter website.  That’s what.

The people who are going to know best where the really bad potholes are are the people who drive through them (or swerve around them) every day.  The commuters.  So, this week’s idea is to make website where users can submit their favorite / most hated potholes.  Ideally, you would set it up so they can send in picture messages of the potholes from their phones, so you can actually see how big / bad they are.  The users should also include a description of the location (for example, 31st Street E, about 10 feet west of Stevens Ave, all of the right lane), or maybe a Google Street View link (http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=Minneapolis,+Hennepin,+Minnesota&ll=44.946643,-93.275565&spn=0,359.997299&t=h&z=19&layer=c&cbll=44.946644,-93.2757&panoid=dtMqU1RZFncbKp_RddLBew&cbp=12,30.94,,0,1.07 – those two close parallel cracks at the end of the white stripe have each opened into tire sized gaps in the pavement).

The commuters would have incentives to use the site, because it could potentially help them get the worst of the potholes they have to deal with fixed quickly.  Additionally, you could offer a weekly prize for worst pothole, and let users vote on it.  The worst pothole each week would be displayed at the top of the home page. It would strike me that you could get a tire company or an auto shop (especially one that does alignments and tire balancing) or a tow truck company to sponsor the thing, and give related / amusing prizes each week.

Additionally, it would basically publicly shame the cities / street maintenance crews that are in charge of the areas where the potholes reside into fixing them.  Or, more positively, help the cities and crews to identify where they can have the greatest effect improving drivers’ experience with the least amount of manpower and resources.

You could also pit cities against each other to introduce a bit of competition to it for both the government officials and the users, and maybe get a bit of press for it in the mean time.  “Will Minneapolis or New York have the worst pothole this week?”  “Hey, did you see Miami beat us this week?!?  They don’t even have winter!  We gotta get out and find some big ones!”

Additionally, this would also give the cities a good resource for concrete data (pardon the pun) about which streets have the most issues, which could drive the choices  on which ones get priority in replacement, as well as better analysis of layouts / materials that lead to the most / worst potholes.  It could also give the ability to track which spots have potholes that reoccur each year, which could lead to analyzing the effectiveness of patches done at different temperatures, at different times, or by different crews.  In that way, you even potentially charge the cities a small fee to mine the data, or sell some consulting to analyze the data for them.

People would have smoother commutes, the city would have a greater affect of peoples daily lives with fewer resources, we gather more data to prevent future problems and promote accountability, and have some potential to make some cash on the side.  Make it so.

In driving through the Crosstown Common (where 35W and 62 overlap for about a mile) I had a thought.  If you’re not familiar with the area, as 35W approaches the Commons it narrows to two lanes, and 62 narrows to one lane, and they combine to be 3 lanes for the length of the Commons.  62 merges on to 35W from the left, and then exits off the right.

So, most people on 35W who want to stay on 35W bunch up in the left lane of 35W as they approach the Commons, as that’s the only lane that remains 35W through the Commons.  In doing so, they form a bit of a wall, which is all well and good, except that anyone who is on 62 and would like to remain on 62 has to move from the furthest left lane to the furthest right lane in order to stay on 62.  As you can imagine, fun is had by all and traffic tends to back up in all directions around it.  (They’re currently doing some massive construction to try to fix this, but at the moment, it’s still very much intact this way.)

Now, on most days this is the low light of the commute, by far, especially given the merging skills of the average Minnesotan.  But today it occurred to me while driving through this mess that, really, the highways are just playing a large scale game of Red Rover.  It made me smile the rest of the way home.

On the drive home from work, I saw a Honda Civic with the following on a bumper sticker:

Think about honking

if you [heart] conceptual art

I think in terms of flair which defines my neighborhood (Uptown), that may well take the top spot.  It knocks off the previous favorite, which I saw briefly after moving here, which was on an old VW bus and said something to the effect of:

Zero to sixty

in about twelve and a half minutes

Have you ever thought to yourself, “You know, I’m pretty annoyed by billboards and banner ads popping up everywhere, but I just wish they could be made more intrusive”?  Or, “Insects really bug me, but they don’t quite send me into the blind rage that I’d like to have now and then”?  Well, be sub-optimally annoyed no more, I give you house flies with banner ads:

Yet another wonderful advancement of human society brought to you by (surprise surprise) the Germans.

Now if we could just find a way to use them to spread polio.

Via Kottke, I Believe in Adv, and Make.

Yes, I know we’re several holidays past Halloween, and it’s dopey, but I still think this is funny:

Via Ovablastic

The heart is a complex thing:

Via Make

The artist (Haruki Nakamura) has a website, though it’s mostly in Japanese, so I can’t tell you much more about it, other than the consensus seems to be they’re all made out of paper of some sort.  Here are a couple more videos of the same artist’s works:

Margaret Thatcher

Point: “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” – Margaret Thatcher

Lady Gaga

Counter Point:

“Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-Roma-ma-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

Walk walk fashion baby
Work it
Move that bitch crazy”
- Lady Gaga