So it’s official. The Game Which Must Not Be Named* will be played between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Arizona Cardinals. I’m quite happy about this. What’s that you say?
“But Kearn, you don’t care about pro football, only college football. And aside from Mike Humpal (Steelers) and Kenny Iwebema (Cardinals), there’s not even a strong tie to Iowa football here.”
And that’s where you’re wrong.
In case you haven’t noticed, the Steelers’ uniforms bear a striking resemblance to those worn by Iowa. Though both teams have always worn black and gold, when Hayden Fry started at Iowa, he had the Iowa uniforms redone to more closely mimic those of the Steelers. At the time, the Steelers were winning The Game Which Must Not Be Named left and right, and the Hawkeyes were, well, not. Hayden thought it would help psychologically to look like a great team, and it did. This is also when the Pink Locker Room came into existence. Hayden was big on psychology.
Fast forward to the present day, Iowa has been in January bowl games 5 of the last 7 seasons, most recently winning the Outback Bowl (against a red bird themed team no less). And the Steelers are in The Game Which Must Not Be Named against the Cardinals. Coincidence? I think not. Iowa is just returning the favor to the Steelers after all these years.
Better yet is the opponent, the Cardinals. Who wear red and white. And have a cardinal for a mascot. Can we think of any teams Iowa plays that look like this? Perhaps an intrastate rival? Perhaps a team that has a Cardinal for a mascot?
That’s right, it’s Iowa vs Iowa State in The Game Which Must Not Be Named.
What more can a Hawkeye fan ask for? Except perhaps Iowa beating USC mercilessly in the National Championship game, at the Rose Bowl, ending with all USC fans collectively hanging themselves upon realizing what total assholes they are. Have I mentioned I don’t much care for USC or their fans? In case I haven’t, I don’t much care for USC or their fans.
*Because the NFL is super-douchebagy when it comes to references made to the superlative soup container.