A few days ago I was thinking about age differences in relationships. Specifically, what is the culturally acceptable age difference between two people in a relationship. I think everyone has a general idea of what’s okay, and it tends to fall along the lines of a couple years of age difference as teenagers, a few more as twenty-somethings, and the older you get, the more of an age range is okay. But there’s also that fuzzy range. The “not all out creepy” range, but where it still raises a few eyebrows and makes your close friends a little guarded and hesitant to offer any encouragement.
So, in thinking about this, it occurred to me that a better way to measure this would be the percentage of the age difference. I’m calling this the Relationship Creepiness Index, or RCI for short. To calculate it, take the age of the younger partner, and divide it by the age of the older partner. If this value is between 100% and 85%, it’s pretty socially acceptable. If it’s between 85% and 75%, you get into the makes your best friend uneasy range. If you descend below 75%, you might as well get an unmarked white panel van and start hanging out down by the playground. Okay, don’t actually do that, but that’s how people are probably going to see it.
In playing with the ranges a bit, percentages seem to work relatively well because they account for the fairly narrow dating range of teens and twenty-somethings, while still broadening out for the 40+ crowd, and even more so for senior citizens (though let’s not dwell on that). The below graphic gives a thumbnail overview of the range, showing ages 14 to 95 on both axises:
The very, very large version of the above image is here. If you want to tweak the formulas or play with the numbers, here is a copy of the spreadsheet in ODS format.
The formula and bounds are still pretty rough, but it seems like a reasonable and simple equation. To give a few examples:
- 20 and 23 year old dating = 39 and 45 year old dating = 52 and 60 year old dating = 87% = outer edge of the green zone, but fine.
- 18 and 23 year old dating = 35 and 45 year old dating = 47 and 60 year old dating = 78% = well into the yellow, pretty creepy
- 17 and 23 year old dating = 33.5 and 45 year old dating = 44 and 60 year old dating = 74% = go straight to creepytown.
It could probably use some tweaks, but it’s at least a starting point for measuring and comparing creepiness of age differences in relationships.