Stray Hawkeye

I got a flyer in the mail today about the upcoming Minneapolis elections.  Apparently, we’ll be using ranked choice voting:

I know people tend to have pretty strong feelings one way or the other about ranked choice voting, though I have to admit I’m not really well informed enough on the issue and how it affects things to really have a strong opinion.  However, in reading over the flyer, I did find the candidates and their party affiliations interesting, let’s zoom in on that a bit:

I like it.  Though a little odd that a couple of the parties fielded multiple candidates for the same race.  Someone dropped the ball on strategy there, or there’s some rebels in the party.

On a vaguely related note, does anyone remember the Giant Sloth Party (named for the full sized (huge) giant sloth in the University of Iowa Museum of Natural History) that used to run for positions in the University of Iowa student government?  Are they still around?

Ever wonder what it would be like if the military started a circus?

A desert camouflage big top.

Navy seals balancing colorful balls on their noses and playing horns.

Perhaps a tiny clown car tank, which seemingly endlessly fires colorful mimes from it’s main gun.

A while ago I went to a performance by the Minnesota Orchestra where they showed an old Charlie Chaplin movie, and played the score to the movie as it went. (Side note- the Minnesota Orchestra is doing it again with another Chaplin movie in early January.  I’d recommend it.  It’s fun.)

It was really cool not only because it was a live performance coupled with a great movie (City Lights is awesome, highly recommended), but because it’s also the way silent movies were originally shown – with a live musician either performing the score along with it (often on just a piano), or completely improving a score for the movie as it played.

I also remember that at some point even longer ago, I saw something on TV about old movies, and I believe one of them was a Charlie Chaplin one as well, where they were saying that it’s a bit hard to restore a definitive version of the movie, because it was originally produced with 4 different scores, any one of which could be played with the film, and each one of which had a very different tone and style, each giving the whole movie a very different feel.

So, here’s my idea for the more cinematic crowd out there. I’d like to see a website called Four Score (intentional pun on Lincoln’s speech) where a film maker produces a modern silent movie, and then releases it to the website. Any user (or possibly a select group of preselected composers, up to you) can then submit a score / sound track for the movie in the form of an mp3 to be played along with the movie. The best four are voted on, and the 4 different versions of the movie are then released on the site. I would tend to imagine this would work best with shorts, maybe in the 5-10 minute range, just so people would be willing to watch the different versions, and so the idea of coming up with a score for them would be at least somewhat within reach of the average user.

So, I tend to come up with a lot of ideas where I think “wow, that would be cool, someone should make/do that”, and then I realize that I don’t have the time / motivation / commitment / talent / upfront capital to do it. So, I’m starting a series of posts of free ideas.  If I’m not going to do them, at least someone can. Or, if nothing else, others can be entertained by the thought of doing them as well.

Given the vastness of humanity, and the Internet in documenting it, it’s possible someone else may have done some of them, and I’m just not aware of it.  In that case I would more than welcome people to point them out in the comments. It’s always nice to see your ideas come to life, even if someone else does it, and even if they came up with it and did it before you even thought of it.

I’ve decided Friday is a good day for posting these ideas, because:

1. It’s the end of the work week and gives people free time to work on them if they like.
2. I like the idea of your mind / ideas being freed at the end of the work week.
3. It gives me structure so I remember when to post them (I have a couple written already).
4. There are no days of the week that start with the letter “i” and I like alliteration.

Something randomly occurred to me, which may well be beyond common sense for most people, but I had never thought about it before.

I was always told you shouldn’t drink really hot things (like hot cocoa or tea) through a straw, because they’d burn your mouth that way. It was one of those things that got ingrained as motherly wisdom, but on first blush, it makes absolutely no sense. How would something passing through a plastic tube make it hotter?

However, while drinking my toasty warm coffee, I noticing myself blowing on it, and two and two came together. Even if you don’t blow on it, the liquid at the bottom of the mug is much better insulated than the liquid at the top of the mug. The stuff at the bottom (assuming it’s not being stirred a bunch), has all of the liquid above it to insulate it from the colder air above it, as well as the mug insulating it on the sides and below. So, it would make sense then that the liquid at the top is cooler, as it’s not as well insulated and it’s transferring heat to the surrounding air. So, when you take a sip off the top, you’re getting coffee that has had some of the heat removed by the air around it, and you are basically taking a slice off the top of the coolest liquid. However, when you use a straw, you’re piping the most well insulated liquid (and therefore hottest part) directly into your mouth.  Thus, burnt tongue.

Amazing how counter-intuitive folk-ish wisdom can make so much sense. Or maybe everyone else figured this out when they were five, and I’m just slow.

Now if someone could explain to me why eating apples, or apple derived products, gives me bloody noses the next day.  Seriously.  Anyone?  Because it’s really annoying and I kind of like apples.

Quick back story: There has been a lake creature floating around the Chain of Lakes in Minneapolis this summer (seriously).  She appeared in early July and has been touring the lakes since.  In mid-July it was “adopted” by the Minneapolis Park Foundation, and has since been nicknamed Minne.  I think she’s the great great grand niece of Nessie.  She looks like this:

Now, onto the actual post, and yes, this is the most coherent way I could think of to put all the thoughts together…

I was out running around the lakes and saw you out there again, over in the west part of Lake of the Isles now.  Sorry I haven’t written sooner, but you keep moving around and are a little hard to keep track of.  Besides, where does one address a letter to you?  “Lake Creature, About 50 feet off the west shore of Lake of the Isles, Minneapolis, MN 55405″?  So, I figured I’d try a blog post instead and see if you happen to read it.  Anyway, while I was running, I was thinking, with it getting cold out like it is, we really need to get you ready for the winter here.  After all, I figured I should do what I can to help out a fellow stray.

The winters here can get pretty rough, and the lakes freeze.  Don’t worry though, even though it’s cold, you’ve still got a couple months.  The lakes take a while to cool down that much, plus, I’ve got a plan, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

So, I’m not sure where you’re from originally, but we celebrate Halloween here.  We dress up in costumes, and go around asking for candy, and people actually give you candy on this day!  So, I thought we should get you a costume to help you fit in a little more.  While I was running tonight, I was trying to think of how we could dress you up.  The first thing I thought of was that we could put a jack-o-lantern on your back.  Like this:

Minne with a pumpkin

It would be pretty festive, really simple and easy to do, and would really get you participating in the holiday.  Then I thought about it a little more, and it would probably roll off in the wind, and you’d have to hold pretty still.  Besides, who wants a rotting hunk of gourd on their back?  Not me.  So, I kept thinking.

My next thought was that you could dress up as a pirate.  It’s a pretty classic Halloween costume, and you’ve already got the nautical theme going:

Yarrrrrgh Minne

But then I thought about that a little more too.  The hat would probably fly off pretty quickly, and I’m not sure how you’d hold onto the pirate flag.  Plus, we can’t really see your hook / peg flipper (do you have flippers or legs under there?).  So, I kept thinking.

Next I thought zombie.  But that would probably be way too scary for little kids around the lakes, and you already missed the zombie pub crawl this weekend.  So, I kept thinking.

My next idea was Superman – a classic first Halloween costume!

Super-Minne, away!!

I like it, but I’m not sure the cape will look all that good when the wind isn’t blowing just right, and I’m not sure how you feel about spandex, being a lake creature and all.

So, I kept running and kept thinking.  Anyway, it’s getting cold out, and some birds are starting to visit the lakes.  And then I thought of the perfect Halloween costume for you, something that would be a great costume, fit you perfectly, and really make you blend in to the Minneapolis lake scene.

Minne in a goose suit

A little down for the body, maybe some foam or cotton stuffing to make the tail stay up, a little face paint, and a beak with an elastic strap to keep it on.  Not only will you fit right in, it will keep you warm for the next couple of months too!  Plus, you totally have the neck for it!

Besides, this way you can make some friends with the geese out there as they pass through, and get some good tips on where to spend the winter months.  I’m sure they know all sorts of great places!  I think you might like the everglades.  Some of them might even let you travel with them.  I’m sure they’d love to have you leading the “V”!  Of course, maybe you were thinking this already, I saw on your Twitter account that you said “When it becomes cold, I turn into a snow bird”.  Maybe we strays think alike after all!

Anyway, let me know if you need some help with the costume, I’m not great at sewing, but I could give it a shot,

Kearn

A variety of covers where the cover is done in an entirely different style from the original, with funny/great results:

• Jonathan Coulton – Baby Got Back (originally by Sir Mix-a-Lot)
• Richard Cheese – Down With The Sickness (originally by Disturbed)
• Mat Weddle – Hey Ya (originally by Outkast)  – That one’s easily the best stand alone song of the bunch, even if you’ve never heard the original version, the cover is great.
• Decadence – Bitches Ain’t Shit (originally by Dr Dre)  – That one’s actually a cover of a cover.  Ben Folds covered the original, and this is an a cappella cover of that version.  I’d love to see a version of this done in a Gregorian Chant style.

As a bonus update to this previous post, I found a version of Max Raabe’s cover of Shaggy’s Angel on some Japanese (??) site, here.

In case you’re interested in more about which bands have covered what, Cover Trek has a pretty lengthy database of who has covered what, and lets you find links between different bands, though I would note spelling really counts.

Another joke I got through email a while ago:

Beautiful girl looking for Richman

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG’S LIST

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 – 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

-Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?
-Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

You know, they could have just gone to work for the Empire and then formed a union too.  That totally would have stuck it to them.

Man, I need to get out of Minnesota.

Via Boing Boing

As a side note, just because I like this particular video, I’m not really trying to promote the guy who made it or his view of how to fix things.  He’s absolutely crazy.  Like his whole own brand of crazy so far beyond bat-shit crazy it needs its own new term.  This guy is llama vomit crazy with tinge of gopher bile psycho.

Got this through email a while ago, thought I’d share:

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,

“May I ask what the turkey did?”