Stray Hawkeye

The video is here.  Yes, it’s long, and old, but it’s good to reflect now and then on just how terrible Bush really was.  Really gets rolling at about 4 minutes in and 13:20 is my favorite.  After about 16:30 it gets sort of lame.

Here’s how we do it.  We need to convince the oil companies that there is oil on Mars.  Stay with me here. The oil companies will then fund manned space flight to Mars so they can drill for the oil. If they eventually find it, it will prove there was once life there, which will cause the religious fundamentalists’ heads to all explode in unison (side benefit there).  Then, because using the oil on Mars would be way cheaper than shipping it to Earth (not to mention supply and demand), we could then send all of the SUVs and sports cars (and their drivers, another side benefit) to Mars.  This would also have the side benefit of decreasing congestion here. Then, all the green house gases from the SUVs and sports cars will cause global warming on Mars (Marsal warming?), which will then teraform Mars to be habitable. We can then grow food on Mars and solve world hunger, on two planets no less. The end.

Granted, the religious fundies would just deny that we had ever been to Mars, or claim the oil was put there by god 5,000 years ago to test their faith. And there would have to be oil on Mars in the first place. And we’d have to figure out how to make SUVs run at several hundred degrees below zero with double the gravity. And I have no clue how fertile Martian soil is. But I can dream, right?

Or maybe we could just reproduce less.

Pure Morning by Placebo has been stuck in my head a lot lately (standard grumble here about not being able to embed the video, and having a good song with an entirely unrelated / eh music video).  And it’s occurred to me that it would make a really good, if a bit odd, song for stripping.

In thinking about that, another song in the same genre came to mind – Pets by Porno For Pyros (really ignore that thought if you feel the need to watch the video while listening to it, as it kind of picks up on the vibe, but in a freakish female body builder way):

Any thoughts for other good, though non-standard (ie, no “I Touch Myself” by The Divinyls, or “Pour Some Sugar On Me”, or “Wild Thing”, etc), songs for stripping?

Continuing the driving theme I seem to have established over the past couple of days, the free idea this week is a Pothole Spotter website.

As bits of pavement are thawing here on the frozen tundra, the potholes seem notably worse than in past years.  Now, I’m no stranger to potholes, having lived in the upper Midwest my whole life, but some of the ones this year seem pretty exceptional.  Perhaps it’s the particular combination of weather this winter, or maybe it’s the result of reduced preventive maintenance on roads with budget cut back, I don’t know.  And mind you, I’m not talking about a little bit of pockmarked road acne here, I’m talking about the tire swallowing, axle breaking caverns.

I’ve got a few on my way to work that are so substantial that I’ve modified my usual route by a few blocks to get around them, because I’m worried I’ll end up with a flat tire one of these days if I don’t (again, these are no “just swerve around them” sized pot holes).

From what I’ve seen in past years here in Minneapolis, the city’s way of patching these is to methodically drive up and down every single street on the warm days, starting when it gets up to the 40’s or 50’s, and patch every single divot on a given street, from fist sized hiccup to black hole of death, all at once.  Which sort of makes sense in a “it’s the government” kind of way.  After all, how would they know where the really bad ones are?  Or the ones that the most people drive over in a given day?  And really, what are you going to do about it anyway?

Make a Pothole Spotter website.  That’s what.

The people who are going to know best where the really bad potholes are are the people who drive through them (or swerve around them) every day.  The commuters.  So, this week’s idea is to make website where users can submit their favorite / most hated potholes.  Ideally, you would set it up so they can send in picture messages of the potholes from their phones, so you can actually see how big / bad they are.  The users should also include a description of the location (for example, 31st Street E, about 10 feet west of Stevens Ave, all of the right lane), or maybe a Google Street View link (http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=Minneapolis,+Hennepin,+Minnesota&ll=44.946643,-93.275565&spn=0,359.997299&t=h&z=19&layer=c&cbll=44.946644,-93.2757&panoid=dtMqU1RZFncbKp_RddLBew&cbp=12,30.94,,0,1.07 – those two close parallel cracks at the end of the white stripe have each opened into tire sized gaps in the pavement).

The commuters would have incentives to use the site, because it could potentially help them get the worst of the potholes they have to deal with fixed quickly.  Additionally, you could offer a weekly prize for worst pothole, and let users vote on it.  The worst pothole each week would be displayed at the top of the home page. It would strike me that you could get a tire company or an auto shop (especially one that does alignments and tire balancing) or a tow truck company to sponsor the thing, and give related / amusing prizes each week.

Additionally, it would basically publicly shame the cities / street maintenance crews that are in charge of the areas where the potholes reside into fixing them.  Or, more positively, help the cities and crews to identify where they can have the greatest effect improving drivers’ experience with the least amount of manpower and resources.

You could also pit cities against each other to introduce a bit of competition to it for both the government officials and the users, and maybe get a bit of press for it in the mean time.  “Will Minneapolis or New York have the worst pothole this week?”  “Hey, did you see Miami beat us this week?!?  They don’t even have winter!  We gotta get out and find some big ones!”

Additionally, this would also give the cities a good resource for concrete data (pardon the pun) about which streets have the most issues, which could drive the choices  on which ones get priority in replacement, as well as better analysis of layouts / materials that lead to the most / worst potholes.  It could also give the ability to track which spots have potholes that reoccur each year, which could lead to analyzing the effectiveness of patches done at different temperatures, at different times, or by different crews.  In that way, you even potentially charge the cities a small fee to mine the data, or sell some consulting to analyze the data for them.

People would have smoother commutes, the city would have a greater affect of peoples daily lives with fewer resources, we gather more data to prevent future problems and promote accountability, and have some potential to make some cash on the side.  Make it so.

In driving through the Crosstown Common (where 35W and 62 overlap for about a mile) I had a thought.  If you’re not familiar with the area, as 35W approaches the Commons it narrows to two lanes, and 62 narrows to one lane, and they combine to be 3 lanes for the length of the Commons.  62 merges on to 35W from the left, and then exits off the right.

So, most people on 35W who want to stay on 35W bunch up in the left lane of 35W as they approach the Commons, as that’s the only lane that remains 35W through the Commons.  In doing so, they form a bit of a wall, which is all well and good, except that anyone who is on 62 and would like to remain on 62 has to move from the furthest left lane to the furthest right lane in order to stay on 62.  As you can imagine, fun is had by all and traffic tends to back up in all directions around it.  (They’re currently doing some massive construction to try to fix this, but at the moment, it’s still very much intact this way.)

Now, on most days this is the low light of the commute, by far, especially given the merging skills of the average Minnesotan.  But today it occurred to me while driving through this mess that, really, the highways are just playing a large scale game of Red Rover.  It made me smile the rest of the way home.

On the drive home from work, I saw a Honda Civic with the following on a bumper sticker:

Think about honking

if you [heart] conceptual art

I think in terms of flair which defines my neighborhood (Uptown), that may well take the top spot.  It knocks off the previous favorite, which I saw briefly after moving here, which was on an old VW bus and said something to the effect of:

Zero to sixty

in about twelve and a half minutes

Have you ever thought to yourself, “You know, I’m pretty annoyed by billboards and banner ads popping up everywhere, but I just wish they could be made more intrusive”?  Or, “Insects really bug me, but they don’t quite send me into the blind rage that I’d like to have now and then”?  Well, be sub-optimally annoyed no more, I give you house flies with banner ads:

Yet another wonderful advancement of human society brought to you by (surprise surprise) the Germans.

Now if we could just find a way to use them to spread polio.

Via Kottke, I Believe in Adv, and Make.

Yes, I know we’re several holidays past Halloween, and it’s dopey, but I still think this is funny:

Via Ovablastic

The heart is a complex thing:

Via Make

The artist (Haruki Nakamura) has a website, though it’s mostly in Japanese, so I can’t tell you much more about it, other than the consensus seems to be they’re all made out of paper of some sort.  Here are a couple more videos of the same artist’s works:

Margaret Thatcher

Point: “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” – Margaret Thatcher

Lady Gaga

Counter Point:

“Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-Roma-ma-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

Walk walk fashion baby
Work it
Move that bitch crazy”
- Lady Gaga

Sort of like an internet party, but with chemicals.  Dorky and a bit nsfw:

No idea where these came from originally, but I came across them on a friend’s Facebook page and they made me laugh a lot, so I thought I’d pass them on.

Top Ten Things You Shouldn’t Say at a Consulting Interview

10. I’m a t-shirt and jeans kind of person.
9. Do you pay overtime?
8. I hate flying.
7. I’m useless without ten hours of sleep a night.
6. There are lies, damn lies, and statistics.
5. Do you cover rental cars for collision?
4. Stanford taught me that working in teams is great for slackers.
3. I think three letter acronyms are for people too stupid to remember whole phrases.
2. Two words: family first.
1. Call it what you want, it still means firing people.

Top Ten Things a Consultant Shouldn’t Tell a Client
10. That was my first guess as well, but then I really thought about it.
9. You should see the hotel I’m staying at.
8. Hey, I just realized that I was in third grade when you started working here.
7. I like this office space. I’ll have them put me in here when you’re gone.
6. My rental car looks nicer than that junker you’re driving.
5. Sure it’ll work; I learned it in business school.
4. So what do you need me to tell you?
3. Of course it’s right; the spreadsheet says so.
2. I could just tell you the answer, but we’re committed to a three month project.
1. What are you, stupid?

Top Ten Ways To Know You’re Dating/Married To A Consultant
10. Referred to the first month of your relationship as a “diagnostic period”.
9. Talks to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.
8. Takes a half-day at the office because, “Sunday is your day.”
7. Congratulates your parents for successful value creation.
6. Tries to call room-service from the bedroom.
5. Ends any argument by saying, “let’s talk about this off-line.”
4. Celebrates anniversary by conducting a performance review.
3. Can’t be trusted with the car – too accustomed to beating up rentals.
2. Valentine’s Day card has bullet points.
1. Refers to lovemaking as a “win-win”.

Top Ten Ways to Know You’ve Got the Consulting Bug
10. Can’t stop using words that don’t exist.
9. Worried that he who dies with the most frequent-flyer miles wins.
8. Use so much jargon in conversation, friends think you’re speaking a foreign language.
7. Constant urge to give advice on subjects you know nothing about.
6. Always-hyphenating-words-that-don’t-need-to-be-hyphenated.
5. Keep seeing bullet points everywhere.
4. Can fit the thematic undercurrents of War and Peace into a two-by-two matrix.
3. Tired of having a social life beyond work.
2. A two-page story in Business Week is all it takes to make you an expert.
1. Firmly believe that an objective viewpoint means more than any real work experience.

Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear from a Consultant
10. You’re right; we’re billing way too much for this.
9. Bet you I can go a week without saying “synergy” or “value-added”.
8. How about paying us based on the success of the project?
7. This whole strategy is based on a Harvard business case I read.
6. Actually, the only difference is that we charge more than they do.
5. I don’t know enough to speak intelligently about that.
4. Implementation? I only care about writing long reports.
3. I can’t take the credit. It was Ed in your marketing department.
2. The problem is, you have too much work for too few people.
1. Everything looks okay to me.

Are You A Prostitute Or A Consultant?
1. You work very odd hours.
2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.
3. You don’t necessarily have to put out to be good at your job.
4. You develop a close relationship with your co-workers.
5. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.
6. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended.
7. You are not proud of what you do.
8. You wear out shoes quickly.
9. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.
10. It’s difficult to have a family.
11. The client can roll you off.
12. You have no job satisfaction.
13. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.
14. People ask you, “What do you do?” and you can’t explain it.
15. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.
16. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.
17. When you are with the client reality is unimportant. The important thing is how well you can draw the client into the fantasy you are creating.
18. When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).
19. You are rated on your “performance” in an excruciating ordeal.
20. Even though you get paid the big bucks, it’s the client who walks away smiling.
21. The client always thinks your “cut” of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.
22. All of your colleagues profess to be the best, so you never really feel adequate

So I’ve been batting this one around in my head for a while, and then I read this article (very, very hyperbolic and one sided,  but still fairly informative none the less), which set me off a bit to finally write this up.  The idea (really sort of 2 ideas together) still definitely has issues, but it’s at least something to think about.  This one’s admittedly equal parts idea and rant, and parts are half joking, though also half not.

Now, in an ideal world, politicians would actually care about representing the views of the people who they are supposed to represent. No US Senator from Minnesota would vote for a bill unless he thought that the people of Minnesota would support it. No Minnesota State Congressman would vote for a piece of legislation unless he thought that the people in his specific district would support it. They would do frequent opinion polls among the people they represent (not national polls) on relevant issues.

However, I think we all know that not how things work. If a drug company promises some money to a campaign in exchange for slightly stricter intellectual property laws, it will probably go through. If the head of the TSA has a side business that has clients that sell body scanners, we’re told we need body scanners in every airport to stay safe. If the steel industry wants higher tariffs to make higher profits to have more money to donate to politicians, the circle of political life goes on.

While there are many, many groups I can give money to as an individual in order to try to elect a given politician, there’s not much I can do to influence him/her after the election until they start making campaign promises the next time around. In short, while companies and interest groups can influence politicians while in office, the average citizen only really comes into discussion around election time.

So, here’s my idea – political bounties (for clarity, so I don’t have the FBI knocking at my door, I’m referring to bounties on laws getting passed/repealed, not on politicians’ heads). Now you may be saying, wait, you want to just buy laws? Well, yes. It basically works that way now for companies, I just want to be more blunt about the government representing the money rather than representing the people. Aside from that, as it stands, companies don’t just have the same rights as individuals, they have more rights.  While an actual person can only donate up to a specific amount of money, corporations basically can spend whatever they want.  I’m just proposing equal rights here.  However, the real key to this idea is that the bounties are only awarded to a politician (or more specifically their reelection fund) AFTER they accomplish what the bounty is for, and that they will be for very, very specific changes.

For instance, I think it’s stupid that I can’t buy beer on Sunday in Minnesota, and I’d like to see that changed. I don’t care which politician introduces the legislation, or what party they’re from. I just want to be able to go grab a bottle of wine for diner on Sunday. So, if this were all set up, I would start a political bounty for legalizing the sale of alcohol on Sunday in Minnesota, and I would contribute a few dollars. And anyone else who thought it was a good idea could also contribute a few bucks. The key here is that the bounty continues to sit and grow until someone introduces a piece of legislation that passes to change the law. No one gets the money until the law is changed.  Basically, we shift the focus for individual campaign contributions from campaign promises to realized results. This would also work for non-incumbents, they could take out loans to campaign on, and pay them back when they got some results and got bounties (or not get elected and go bankrupt I suppose).

Another sort of complimentary idea for this would be that we shut down all direct campaign contributions. Instead, each citizen is allocated $100 (arbitrary number, adjust as you see fit). The $100 comes from tax money, so actually the rich are contributing way more, and the poor way less, but they all get equal say, thus leveling the field some across economic groups that way. Also, I say allocated rather than given because you don’t actually get this money, this money is held by the government and you instruct them (probably via a form on some website) on which campaign to contribute it to and how. This could have a short list of options, such as making the contribution conditional on specific campaign promise being fulfilled. For instance, $50 to Person X unconditionally, and $50 split equally among all politicians who vote to repeal the Patriot Act, if the repeal succeeds. You could also contribute it an interest group, who could then use it to advertise about a specific issue rather than for a specific politician. The key here is that this would be the only money they would be allowed to use. This would help to make it so the government represent (or at least plays to) the people instead of corporations, and it would give all citizen equal say in their government (or again, equal influence over the election).  Politicians would be strictly banned from using any other funds in their campaigns.

The obvious problem with this part, is that you basically have to limit free speech in order to keep companies and rich people from buying their own advertising. And it sort of presupposes that elections are decided by how much advertising you can do, rather than what people actually think, which gets a bit to the heart of the issue that most people know almost nothing about politics, but are still responsible for choosing politicians. In order to make it manageable, you would also have to limit the list of conditions that you could apply to your contribution. Maybe you could make it so the $100 can be payed out at your will throughout the elected politician’s term?

There’s also the elephant in the room that any change like this would have to be put in place by, you guessed it, politician.  And we’ve already covered where they currently get incentives from.

Ugh.  Politics makes my head hurt, and make me nauseous. This is why I haven’t had much on here about it for a while, and will probably continue that way for a while.

What you have 3 days after you shave a Snuffleupagus.

The shiba inu puppy cam is back with a new litter of fuzzy little balls of cute:

Online TV Shows by UstreamIf that doesn’t make you smile and melt a little, you need help.

If the embedded video doesn’t work, try here.

Via Cute Overload and BoingBoing. Previously featured on Stray Hawkeye with the previous litter here.