Stray Hawkeye

Too many chiefs and not enough Indians – time to ramp up the offshore team.

Too many chiefs ruin the soup – time to hire some Indians who can spell.

Fuck you.  But not the horse you rode in on.  That would just be disgusting.

I haven’t had cable in a long time.  This leads to most of my TV viewing consisting of whatever is syndicated and playing in reruns on the broadcast networks.  And it happens that as much as I’m generally indifferent to it (the writing is terrible and I can feel myself getting dumber as I watch it, but it occasionally makes me laugh and it’s decent background noise), I tend to watch entirely more Family Guy than is healthy.  If you’ve happened to see this particular episode, you’ll likely remember the following scene:

I mention this because while I was in Iowa City lately, I saw a guy on the street… in a chicken suit.

Handing out coupons.

I admittedly didn’t check to see if they were valid, as they were for a happy hour that I couldn’t make it to.  I can only hope for his sake that it wasn’t expired.

You might live in Uptown if…

• Your car has at least 30 bumper stickers on it, including “start seeing bikes” and “keep your rosaries off my ovaries” and “Wellstone!”
• You have a shiny new mac laptop and an iPhone with a $100 a month plan, but have trouble getting the rent check in on time.
• You believe you have eaten or drank something ironically.
• You don’t understand what the word ironically means, but you use it at least once in every conversation.
• You think a bike is a valid main form of transportation when it’s 10 degrees out.
• You can’t even imagine that someone would own a gun that isn’t either a gang member or a deer hunter.
• When they seal coated Hennepin, it was the closest thing you’ve ever come to a gravel road.  You had trouble driving biking on it for the first couple weeks.
• You’re male and your pants are skin tight, black, and only go down to mid-shin.
• You have full sleeve tattoos and a toddler.
• You live in Minneapolis and know how to parallel park.
• You love the Walker Art Museum and get violently angry if anyone criticizes it in any way.
• You wear bug eye sunglasses.  And are male.  And they have gold frames.
• You understand the conditional no-left turn signs on Hennepin and Lyndale.
• As best you remember, Obama got about 70% of the popular vote.
• You get excited at the state fair when you see a real live cow.
• You forget that the houses around Lake of the Isles are unreasonably large.
• You believe bicycles always have the right of way.  Even if they’re running a stop sign, going the wrong way, down the center stripe of a one way street, in rush hour.
• You have gone more than six months without going outside the 494 / 694 loop.
• You consider Burnsville to be rural.
• You believe free wifi is a human right.

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