My dad forwarded me this email (no idea where it came from originally), made me laugh, so I thought I’d pass it on:

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flash light around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, “Jesus knows you’re here.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flash light off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flash light beam came to rest on a parrot.

“Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you ?”

“Moses,” replied the bird.

“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”

“The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”

For a cafeteria to live up to its name, wouldn’t it have to exclusively serve veal?

What do you call a group of ducks floating close together on a pond?

A cluster duck.

It may mean I’m a terrible person, but this makes me laugh:

Via I Can Has Cheezburger (and Senior Gif, and BBC Two)

Endless Migration is a really simple, but really addictive flash game, where you’re the lead goose in a V migrating around the world, until the planes and blimps get you and you’re bird strike.

The games are pretty quick (about 30 seconds to around 3 minutes), so it’s a good short time waster.  The one part that’s not really intuitive at all is that when you finish one game and it says retry or back to menu, if you go back to the menu after each game, you can see that you earn points for achievements that you can use for upgrades (both their own screens with links from the main menu), which make it easier, gives a few more goals past staying alive, and makes the game longer.

I thought it was fitting for this time of year when the honkers are flying overhead and pooping on the paths around the lakes.  I think Minnie would approve.

Via Kottke.

I was out at the bar over the weekend with some of my geekier friends.  In conversation it came up that one of them has a motorcycle, which he has named “Frogger”.  (See, I told you they were on the geekier side.)  One of my other friends recently got an air brush kit, and is planning to help paint said motorcycle with, as they put it, “bad ass frogs”.  So, being geeks, we not only had our laptops with us, but were at a bar with wifi – so we busted out the internet and went to work finding bad ass frogs to use as models for said motorcycle air brush mural.  Some of the highlights were:

• Kinda scary looking frog with teeth
• Ninja frog on a rope
• Real life hypno-toad
• Ready frog
• A variety of mini-fig frogs with weapons
• Mr Burns frog (about half way down the page in the comments)
• And finally, a little too fittingly, a frog on a motorcycle

But eventually, we came to thinking, why not use the actual Frogger frog?  So, we found an image of the original cover, and realized how lame and entirely not bad ass the original Frogger frog was:

A tie? A watch? A vest? A freaking brief case?!? Maybe there was a reason all those cars had it in for him.

Pretty wimpy, but we have computers, and GIMP – we can fix this.

So, over the next hour or two, I drunkenly photoshoped (okay, so I don’t actually have the program, but “GIMP’ed” just sounds wrong) up our video game hero to toughen him up a bit, while carrying on a few other conversations.  There were plenty of inputs from my other drunken, laptop toting, geek companions (“give him some tattoos”, ” put some blood on his mouth”, “make his butt less pointy”, “he should have a sword, no, an anime sword”, “give him angry eyelids, no, not like that, angle them, no, this way”) to help with the process.  Until we eventually came up with:

Not bad for a few beers in (though looking at it sober, it does have some rough edges here and there).

And then, of course, we realized he must vanquish the lesser version of himself, who has apparently been sweating in fear for decades now (click for bigger):

There can be only one.

It’s my desktop background image now.

Via I can has cheezburger

Made me laugh.

From I can has cheezburger

I’m a total sucker for this kind of stuff:

Watch more National Geographic Channel videos on AOL Video

And who knew that the reason the cross bar on women’s bikes are lower is to allow space to carry an orangutan?

Via User Friendly

I’m sure there’s some good, scientific reason for this storage area at the Smithsonian:

(click for a bigger version on flickr)

(via Kottke), but there’s only one thing that comes to mind upon seeing it (tapers off around 3:20) …

What does Margaret Thatcher have to say about all of this?

The delivery is terrible, but the crowd seems to love it. I guess that’s politics for you.