For the last several months, one of my sisters has been on a serious fitness kick. Not like a, “I’m going to run a 5K by the end of summer,” or, “I’m only going to eat fast food twice a week,” kind of fitness kick. We’re talking regular sessions with a personal trainer, weight lifting, track the exact composition of everything you eat, bulk up, and maybe learn some martial arts style fitness kick. Maybe “fitness kick” isn’t even really the right term for it. “Get in awesome shape quest”? “Fitness rampage”? Something like that.
At any rate, along with all the weight lifting and muscle building, she’s gotten pretty big on protein shakes and whey powder and the like. We went on a brief vacation, and one of the first things we did after getting there was stop by a vitamin store to get some whey powder. This, of course, lead to me making fun of her for the rest of the trip (this is how my family shows affection, we mock each other pretty much all the time). In particular, it made me think of the South Park episode where Cartman decides he’s going to get totally buff:
So he gets a bunch of “Weight Gain 4000″, and gets, well, he ends up like this (starts about 20 seconds in):
The full episode is here.
So, of course, every time my sister made a protein shake, or asked if it was time for dinner yet, I would reply, “Beefcake. BEEFCAKE!”. This was also accompanied by the Tim Tebow drinking game – while watch college football at any point in the last season, drink any time the announcers mention Tim Tebow. Two if he’s not on the field at the time. Three if neither of the teams playing in the game you’re watching is Florida. You get trashed, fast.
Anyway, after the trip, my sister’s job was getting her down, so I thought I’d send her a care package. What did I think of? Well, I thought I’d get a variety of protein bars so she could try out some different kinds, maybe a few she hadn’t had before:
Titan. Rockin' Roll. Pure Protein. Yep, I picked them for having the most over the top labels and names of the whole rack of bars. Oh, and one chocolate one, because I'm not a total jerk. At least not all the time.
And of course, we can’t show affection without some mocking thrown in, so, while I was at it, I cut a couple of sheets of paper in half and made a few custom labels:
Also a good excuse to play with crayons. I love crayons.
After all, the labels make it easier to put stamps on them…
Pretty sure the post office loves me after this.
So I put her address on the back of the labels like the usual ingredients / nutritional facts label, and went to the post office to get the correct postage for each. The post lady working weighed each one, and then put elaborate combinations of 5 or 6 stamps on each to get the correct amount, to the penny, for each of the four, including mixing up two the weights and going back and doing them over, until basically the entire back of each of them was covered in stamps. The people behind me in line totally loved me by time I left. I then mailed them off, one at a time, over the course of a little over a week.
Pretty sure I should turn this into a side business.
Beefcake. BEEFCAKE!!!!