Stray Hawkeye

One Sentence is a site consisting purely of user submitted stories, each of which is one sentence long.  It’s amazing how one sentence can sometimes convey more than pages and pages of writing.  Favorites:

• Sleepwalking
• Change of plans
• Have it your way
• True love
• A day at work
• I can relate
• Mental health day
• Drinking problem
• Politickles

As Metblogs and WCCO have mentioned, there are several laws that apply to driving in the winter in Minnesota, especially in regard to snow.  Specifically, they both point to Minnesota Statute, Chapter 169.42, Subdivision 1:

No person shall throw, deposit, place, or dump, or cause to be thrown, deposited, placed, or dumped upon any street or highway or upon any public or privately owned land adjacent thereto without the owner’s consent any snow, ice, glass bottle, glass, nails, tacks, wire, cans, garbage, swill, papers, ashes, cigarette filters, debris from fireworks, refuse, carcass of any dead animal, offal, trash or rubbish or any other form of offensive matter, or any other substance likely to injure any person, animal, or vehicle upon any such street or highway.

Metblogs and WCCO both point out that this means that you have to clean off your vehicle before driving so you don’t have snow/ice fly off of your car and on to the street.  However, I’d note something else if we’re to follow the letter of the law.  This means that if you park your car on the street, you can’t brush snow off of it there, and you can’t move the car in any way that would cause snow to come off of it, because cleaning off your parked car would deposit snow and ice on the street, which is illegal.  The side of the street, yes, but the street none the less.

So, in order to behave legally, if you park your car on the street in Minnesota, and it snows, you need to collect all snow and ice off of your car, not letting any of it fall on the street or adjacent publicly owned land, and transport it to a privately owned location, with consent of the owner of that privately owned location.  Also, it says “any snow, ice”, which means that if you cause even a single flake to fall on the pavement, you’re a criminal.

While we’re at it, new word for me in that law: offal.  According to Wikipedia, “Offal is the entrails and internal organs of a butchered animal. The word does not refer to a particular list of organs, but includes most internal organs other than muscles or bones.”   Apparently offal dumping must have been a problem at some point to get this into law.

So remember- snowflakes, animal entrails, and cheap booze (swill is mentioned) are equally offensive in the eyes of the law.  Apparently, the dumping of good booze is fine, since it’s not offensive (my general definition of good booze vs swill), and dumping it is out is not “likely to injure any person, animal, or vehicle”, and, in fact, may prevent such injury.  Though I am in no way advocating the pouring out of good booze in the streets.  The proper disposal method of unwanted good booze is to give it to the blogger who first introduced you to the word offal.  It the law.  Maybe.

Even more random aside- the Wikipedia article on offal is actually full of random gems, such as:

• “Fries” is a term used in Europe to reference testicles as a food dish.
• “Faggot”, in addition to being a bundle of sticks and derogatory term in the US, is a British meatball commonly made of pork offal.
• Italians like to eat brains, among other disturbing things.
• The liver of the polar bear is unsafe to eat because it is very high in vitamin A.

From an email I got, slightly modified-

Things that are difficult to say when drunk:

• Innovative
• Preliminary
• Proliferation
• Cinnamon

Things that are very difficult to say when drunk:

• Specificity
• Anti-constitutionality
• Transubstantiation

Things that are absolutely impossible to say when drunk:

• No thanks, I’m married.
• Oh, I couldn’t!  No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
• Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?
• Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
• Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination.  I’d hate to look like a fool!
• Oh, that’s okay, I can hold it until we get home, besides, public urination is so undignified.
• Surely there must be a peaceful resolution to our disagreement.
• No thanks, I’m content with my current level of intoxication and don’t think doing shots would be a good idea, though thank you for the offer.

So, I have heard of the game/tradition of watching the Big Lebowski and drinking a White Russian every time the Dude does (and tired it on a couple of occasions, which is why I have a hard time remembering a lot of the plot/details of the later portions of the movie, but can still tell you it is quite good, odd, but quite good).  I’ve also heard of smoking a joint every time the Dude does (not really my speed, at all, so I can’t tell you how that one would go, but I would imagine similar results).

However, from watching this clip, I would like to propose a new game/tradition: drink every time a particular explicative, in its various forms, is uttered over the course of the film.

Anyone care to test drive this new game with me?  After all the political coverage I’ve been watching lately, I could use a drink.

As a side note, in making this post, I also came across one of the more just unexpected Wikipedia articles I think I’ve ever seen (beating out the previous most random Wikipedia article of the list of problems solve by MacGyver)- A list of films that most frequently use the word “fuck”.  Apparently The Big Lebowski only clocks in at #21, right between Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and Pulp Fiction.

This site is a shameless advertisement for a book, but entertaining none the less.  Two guys travel across the country, for the sole purpose of break absurd laws, such as:

• Drinking beer from a bucket is illegal in St. Louis
• Whale hunting is illegal in Utah
• Fishing in your pajamas is illegal in Chicago

They have pictures of many of their law breaking activities.

There is a whole site dedicated dumb laws here, though they don’t have citations of where one can find these laws, so the accuracy is questionable.

This leads me to a question I’ve had for a long, long time.  Where can I find “the law”?  Really.  What is legal and what is illegal?  Basically every law I know, I know because someone told me, and they know because someone told them, and so on (with the exception of traffic laws, which the DOT puts out quite pleasant and clear books about).  Is there any place you can actually find all the laws that are governing you at any point? How can you obey the laws when you don’t know what they are?  And pleading ignorance is never a valid defense – you’re legally obligated to know the laws, but you can’t find where “the laws” are to know them to obey them.

Especially with all the different layers of laws -international laws, federal laws, state laws, county laws (pretty sure there are county laws), and city laws.  And which take precedence in any given situation, especially if they contradict one another?  And what about “temporary” laws, such as the exception Minneapolis and St Paul will be having to the 2:00 am bar close law for the RNC.

For another example, I know that it’s illegal to drink alcohol in public, and you can get ticketed for it, and I’ve seen this one enforced on many occasions.  However, there also seems to be exceptions, such as tailgating before sporting events, or restaurants that have sidewalk cafes and serve alcohol, or while you’re in any sort of watercraft but not driving said watercraft.  I would think maybe you can drink on private property that is in public view, but not on government owned property (sidewalks for instance), but this doesn’t fit with tailgating at college football games, which usually takes place on parking lots owned by the college, which is owned by the state.

Does anyone know where I can find “the law”?