“Let’s see, he said thee was food down this way…”

"This must be what he was talking about! An apple store. Not a lot of variety, but I suppose an apple does sound delicious on a hot day like this."

“Uh, Parker, I don’t think it’s that kind of an apple store, I think they actually sell…”

"Oh course it is! See, they even have a water bowl to cleanse your palette before going in. That's how you know it's a nice fruit stand."

"NOM! See this one is delicious! Though the color does seem a little off. Maybe it's out of season."

McParker the crime dino takes a bite out of apple. (Or something like that)

"Look Kearn, they even have computers you can play with while you digest!"

"And they have games on them!"

“Come on Parker, let’s get you some real food.”

"But.., but, my ball balancing circus seal is almost leveled up to 60!"

“Come on Parker, let’s at least play with some of the other toys.  Here, why don’t you try out an iPod.”

"The sign says it's a Nano, but the headphones are Mega!"

“We could get you one of these for your birthday Parker.  Would you like that?”

“I don’t know, I still really like my Walkman.”

“Your Walkman?!?!  You really are a dinosaur Parker!  These are way better than that!”

“Okay, what do they do?”

“Well, you can listen to music on them.  The newest models even have an fm radio built right into them.”

“Does it let you record music?”

“Well, no.”

“Does it have replaceable batteries?”

“Um, no, I guess not.”

“Can you use it to make mix tapes to give to your friends?”

“Well, not really.  I guess you could hook it to your computer and make a play list in iTunes.  But, the other person would need to download the songs too before they could play it, and, well…”

“Yeah, I think I’ll stick to my Walkman.”

“Okay, I guess I’ll have to think of something else for your birthday.  Let’s go get you some food.”

“Look – deep fried cheese curds, and it’s not even the state fair yet!”

"Mmmm, Bucket o' Cheese..." *drool*

*NOM*

“Let’s see if we can find you something a little more healthy.  Here, try some corn.”

"But it always gets stuck in my teeth. What about some Chinese food?"

"Now THAT'S a dino sized meal!" *nom nom nom nom nom*

“Wow, I’m stuffed now.  I think it’s time for some more art.”

“Okay, let’s check out some t-shirt.  These ones by Batik by Kat are nice!”

"I like the color of the froggy, and the dog looks fun, but I'm not sure if they're quite me."

“Hello there, little one.  I’m Kat, can I help you find anything?”

“You’re Kat?  Somehow I was expecting more whiskers and fur, and maybe a tail…,  you look much more like a friendly person than a Kat.”

“Ah yes, that confuses many of the little dinosaurs that stop by our booth.  I am, in fact, a person.”

“I see, well, I like these ones, but I don’t think they’re quite me…”

“Oh, I think we have a design you might like better.  Here, try this one.”

"IT'S PERFECT!!!"

“Can we get it Kearn? Can we pleeeaaasssseeee?!?!”

“I don’t know Parker, it looks a little big for you.  Excuse me Kat, do you make this in an extra, extra, extra, extra dino small?”

“Oh, sorry, we only go down to an extra, extra dino small.  And it looks like your little friend would take some growing to fit into one of those.  But here, take our card and you can get one from our website when he gets bigger.”

“Thank you.  Parker, I may have a birthday present idea for you after all, just maybe not for this year.”

“I like that idea.  Let’s see who else we can meet while we’re here.”

Next we wandered past Wild Cat Works‘ bird houses.

"Hellooooooo up there..."

But it turned out no birds had moved into the shiny new bird penthouses yet, so we kept moving.

"There must be all sorts of things to buy down here..."

“Parker, I think I see a place you may like.”

"It's like this whole place was made for dinosaurs! Too bad I filled up on that Chinese food. A Gyro sounds tasty!"

Next we walked past the myTalk 107.1 booth, and Parker took an interest in a sign they had our in front.

"Look Kearn! I don't know what a myTalk is, but these people need help. And help making art no less. I bet I could do that!"

"I bet you could. Here, I put some letters and decorations for you on the T, let's see if you can make something out of that."

"Look Kearn! I made my name. Now we just need to glue it down... Um, could you help with that part? I don't have any thumbs, and I don't want to accidentally glue my feet to the poster."

"Sure Parker. And you can add some stickers to make it even prettier."

"Hooray! I'll be famous now!"

"Do you think anyone will notice it in all of this?" "I think so Parker, it's a very nice flower after all."

Next we stopped by a booth where you could get your picture taken in front of a green screen, and have the background replaced with anywhere in the world.  Parker was going to play a trick on everyone and get one with the Roman Coliseum in the background and tell everyone he went to Rome over the weekend.  Unfortunately, the computer had a hard time telling the difference between Parker and the background.  So, he’ll have to find another trick to play.

We kept walking, and before long we pasted in front of James Sauer’s sculptures, and…

"AAAAHHHHHHH GIANT BIRDIE GONNA EAT ME RUNAWAY!!!!!!!" *run run run run*

They may have been a little too realistic for Parker’s taste.

Luckily, once Parker finally slowed down, we weren’t far from Keith Kinney’s booth, where Parker found a place to rest for a bit.

(I couldn’t find a business card at Keith’s booth, and from searching, the only website I found for him (http://www.stylesofoakheritage.net/) seems to be down / missing, but it was Keith Kinney of Yellow Springs, OH, in case you like the rockers.)

"Look, there's even space for my tail to go through between the slats. What a comfy chair!"

“Kearn, all that running from the eagle made me awfully tired, and we’ve been walking a lot today.  Can we head home and take a break before going to the Powederhorn Art Fair?”

“Sure Parker, let’s get you some rest and some air conditioning.”

On the way out, we walked past the RuTu Paddle Company, which has some really pretty stuff, but Parker was too tired to pose any more.

However, just past there, we came across the strangest thing, and had to pause for one last picture…

"Wait, why is a boat bike locked to a pipe, 4 blocks from the nearest water? There's not even any trailer or wheels to be able to move it. What's going on here?"

“I don’t know Parker, sometimes Uptown just doesn’t make sense.”

Parker has woken up from his hibernation with a lot of energy and ready to go, while Sinclair has still been a bit groggy lately.  Parker has also decided to have the tattoos on his back removed, so people don’t keep confusing him with his beloved brother, who he got them in honor of.  If that none of that makes any sense, you can catch up by reading the existing posts in the Dino Saga series.

“Good morning Parker, what are you up to?”

"I was just reading your blog post about the art fairs this weekend. They sound fun! Can we go?"

“Sure Parker. Are you planning to buy some art while we’re there?”

“Maybe, what does it take to buy art?”

“Just some money.”

“Oh, let me go grab mine!  I’ve been saving up!”

"Let's see, I've got one dollar, forty-two cents, a button, a broken zipper, five bits of string, and a Jack of Spades. Is that enough for an art?"

“Um, I don’t think so Parker.  Most places don’t take bits of string as a form of payment.  But we can still go look.”

“Okay.  Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

And out the door we went.

"Wow, it looks like there's a ton of art here. Let's get going."

"I'd hate to meet the painter that goes with those, I'm small enough compared to normal sized people!"

“You know Parker, we’re going to be doing a lot of walking today.  I know you have the energy for it, but do you think you feet will be able to hold up?”

“Hmm, you’re right, they might get sore.”

Luckily, the first place in the Uptown Art Fair is the Uptown Running Room.

So, we stopped by their sidewalk sale to see if the friendly people there could help us out.

"Hi there. I would like a pair of art fair walking shoes, please."

"We don't usually stock dinosaur shoes. Hmmm, this is the smallest pair we have for your foot type. Give them a try."

"They seem a little roomy in the toe, but let me take them for a jog to see how they feel."

"Nope, definitely too big."

“Okay, we could always order something in your size, but for today maybe Kearn can just carry you when your feet get tired.”

“Yeah, I could do that.  Thanks for trying Running Room people!”

Parker was getting anxious, “Okay, now let’s go see some art!”  So, our first stop was Daryl Harwood and Kevin Murphy‘s booth.

They make Ikebana flower bases, which have little spiked clusters in them you can put the flowers on so they’ll stand up straight, and have water.

"And we actually make them using leaves from our garden for the shape of each piece."

"They look good enough to eat!"

"Come on Parker, we should go before you chip a tooth, or slip onto one of those little spikes."

Next, we stopped by the music stage Old Chicago had set up, which seemed strangely empty.

"I was born for the stage..."

"AND THAT BIRD YOU CAN NOT CHAAAAAAANNNGE, AND THAT... um, Kearn, could you move the mic down a little bit, I'm getting a lot of feedback here."

After Parker’s set, and three encores, we continued on, and found a Volvo dealership had set up shop at the art fair.

"That's right ladies, I'm not only beautiful, but apparently I'm safe too."

“Hey Parker, how do you think the ladies would like you in this old car?”

"Hmm, it's okay, but I was thinking maybe a convertible..."

"Now that's more like it. Bugs in my teeth, the wind on my tail, and the open road ahead."

“Hmm, but Parker, can you reach the pedals?”

"Umm, not really..."

"And more importantly, I can't reach the radio. I guess this isn't the car for me after all."

“Well, let’s see what else they have.”

"Kearn, look! This one has a big screen TV in the trunk! Oh, wait. That doesn't make any sense at all."

“Parker, could you come over here and jump up real high?  I want to get your picture with the Uptown Theatre sign!”

"WEEeeeeeeeee!!!"

“Kearn, all this jumping is making me hungry.  Can we go back and eat those flower stands we saw earlier?”

“No Parker, I don’t think the artists would like that very much.  But, we can see if we can find you some real food.”

“Here, let’s ask this guy if he know where we could find some food around here.”

"Excuse me Mr Chino, would you know where we could find some dino snacks around here?" "Um, I guess I'm not familiar with dinosaur dietary needs, but you might want to check with my friend Latino."

"Excuse me Mr Latino, would you know where we could find some dino snacks around here?" "Why yes! If you head over towards Calhoun Square, you should find all manner of confections!" "Thanks Mr Latino!"

"Boy, I hope confections means food. There's Calhoun Square! Let's go!"

To be continued…

• One deep fried butter on a stick
• One deep fried pineapple on a stick
• Two deep fried Milky Ways on a stick (sticks)
• And a large DIET Pepsi

My sister insists the beverage choice was because the diet version of Pepsi tastes better, rather than any calorie savings.  Regardless, this lead to teasing for the rest of the day.

Beergaritas:

Ingredients – Equal parts (12oz):

• 1 can/bottle cheap, semi-tasteless beer (Bud Light, Miller Light, Coors Light, PBR, MGD, etc)
• Lime-aid frozen concentrate (The kind that comes in a frozen cardboard tube with metal ends.  One tube (12oz) is the right size, and you can use the tube to measure the following ingredients.)
• Tequila (yes, 12 oz.)
• Water
• Ice (as needed)

Combine the above in a pitcher.  Mix well.  Drink (preferably with others).

Now you may be saying, “Beer and tequila – that sounds awful!!”  Yes, yes it does sound awful.  But it’s not.  It’s delicious – it doesn’t really taste like beer at all, the beer just gives it a tiny little bit of fizz and body.

Also note that since it’s basically a quarter tequila (if you don’t count the ice), it’s reasonably strong.  However, with all the sugar from the lime-aid, it doesn’t taste like there’s that much alcohol in it, at all.  So, as always, enjoy responsibly.

I looked up what the traditional anniversary presents are for each year.  It turns out I actually managed to do the first one right, as the traditional one year anniversary present is paper, and the birthday Combo was sitting on a piece of paper.

The second year, I didn’t get so lucky.  As it turns out, the traditional two year anniversary present is cotton, and as far as I know, my dueling Swiss Cake rolls did not have cotton as an ingredient.  (Maybe the candles did in the wicks, but that doesn’t really seem like it counts.)  So, to make up for it, I’m retroactively getting my blog a 100% cotton t-shirt, and half a bag of cotton balls:

Hooray!!

I also have the magnet version of that shirt.  Thanks Laura.

Having corrected last year’s slight, I then looked up what the traditional anniversary gift is for the third year.

Turns out it’s leather.

I have no idea who comes up with these traditions.

Yep, I gathered up a couple things I had laying around the apartment borrowed a variety of items from a large number of my more unusual friends who happened to each have a couple of leather items on hand.

Also, look forward to next year, as the traditional anniversary present for the 4th year is handcuffs.

Nah, just kidding, it’s flowers.

And now ladies and gentlemen, it’s that time of year.  The time where I request any feedback you might have on the blog.  Things you want to see more of?  Things you want to see less of?  Things you love?  Things that make you punch your monitor, not realizing that doing so only destroys you own property and has no greater effect on the internet at large?  Things you’d like to see turned into series?  Potential plot lines for the dino saga?  Other random musings?

The first was the movie The Last Airbender- an M. Night Shyamalan movie that appears to be about a 8 year old asian boy who does martial arts and has supernatural powers that allow him to transform the fabric of the world around him to create wind and waves and such to fight huge numbers of generic, undifferentiated 30 to 40 something year old bad guys, and he’s the only hope to save the world from this evil force and bring balance to the world, all with various spiritual and religious overtones, along with self discovery, a dangerous quest for training, and the need to evade these evil bad guys until he’s truly ready and trained to be able to face them once he has mastered his talents. In sort, an 8 year old asian Neo from the Matrix.

There is no spoon.

The other product that was being advertised a lot was Activia.  From Activia’s website:

Activia® is a delicious, creamy yogurt that is shown in several clinical studies to help naturally regulate your digestive system*, which for many women means it can help with your occasional irregularity, or when you are feeling a bit sluggish.

Activia, with the unique probiotic culture called Bifidus Regularis® (Bifidobacterium lactis DN 173 010), works in your gut to help regulate your digestive system by helping with slow intestinal transit*. Activia is good for you, and it tastes good too! You can enjoy Activia every day, as a delicious snack, part of a nutritious breakfast or as a delicious end to your favorite meal.

In short, yogurt that makes women shit.

Mmmm, strawberries. It also comes in prune flavor. No, really.

So, aside from the randomness of these two products advertising on the same type of programming, both to someone who couldn’t care less about either, why did it strike me as blog worthy?  Well, I noticed a similarity, and couldn’t stop laughing once I did.

See it yet?

Let’s see if I can help…

Hoodie, trench coat, same idea

Is your colon supposed to make a whooshing noise?

See it now? Maybe look a little harder….

Cut. Cut! Now who gave the kid yogurt after midnight?!?

What do you mean I'm pregnant? And it's a what?

Just struck me as an interestingly similar design choice across products for an semi-intricate, downward pointing, glowing arrow as the main logo for each.

Make a wish...

My blog turns two today and I’ve upgraded a bit from last year’s birthday combo – this year, I sprung for birthday Swiss Cake Rolls- extra convenient as they come two to a package.  And just what we need, a two year old toddler of a blog all hyped up on sugar running around biting people.

I kind of feel like I’m supposed to say something sentimental here, but sentimental just isn’t something I do real well.  Mostly, I’ve enjoyed sharing stuff that I think is cool/interesting/novel/insightful/clever/etc, and it’s gratifying to know a bunch of strangers out there (and a few people I know, too) stop by now and then and take the time to read what I’ve put up.

So, in the interest of keeping things, well, interesting, it’s time for my annual appeal for you to chime in-  What do you like around here?  Which posts make you go “dear god not this again”?  Favorite topics?  Favorite formats (list of links, link and commentary, two random things that are related in my mind, pictures, stories, musings, etc, etc)?  Things you love seeing links to?  Things you love reading commentary about?  Things you hate reading commentary about and would just prefer the link and get out of my way thank you very much?  Preferences for videos, music, short articles, long articles, reference to whole other sites, etc?

It’s not that I’m going to completely re-formulate the site to be all lolcats all the time, or to be a series of in depth articles on the role of Constitutional law in modern political dialog (though don’t be surprised if either pops up from time to time).  But, at the moment I have so much stuff bookmarked and little notes scribbled down of things to write about that I’m pretty sure I could blog as a full time job for the foreseeable future (aside from that no money part, and who would buy my blog Swiss Cake Rolls then?) and not really run out of material I’d like to post.  So, I don’t have any problem with giving priority to any given realm, topic, format, etc when things are slow.  You’ll still be getting whatever I happen to find interesting that day, but it’s a chance to influence which one of the 10 interesting things that I come across that day I blog about, and which 9 I bookmark to blog about later.  If you’re new around here and you’d like to get a feel for the place, there’s a little over 450 posts in the archives now, and the tags are a fairly good way to get a flavor of what I tend to post a lot about.

Also, for some of the ones people have mentioned as liking in the past, I have a vague idea for the next post in the Dino Saga, but I need to come up with a bit more of a plot wrapper around it before I start really putting it together.  Also, Free Idea Friday will be making a come back at some point here, I just need to get around to writing up a couple of them in a form other than the jumbled notes I scribble when they occur to me.  I’ve also been waffling a bit on a few of them on whether to write them up, or actually just take some of the time I’d spend blogging about them and actually do a couple of the smaller ones.

Anyway, thoughts, suggestions?

At any rate, along with all the weight lifting and muscle building, she’s gotten pretty big on protein shakes and whey powder and the like.  We went on a brief vacation, and one of the first things we did after getting there was stop by a vitamin store to get some whey powder.  This, of course, lead to me making fun of her for the rest of the trip (this is how my family shows affection, we mock each other pretty much all the time).  In particular, it made me think of the South Park episode where Cartman decides he’s going to get totally buff:

So he gets a bunch of “Weight Gain 4000″, and gets, well, he ends up like this (starts about 20 seconds in):

The full episode is here.

So, of course, every time my sister made a protein shake, or asked if it was time for dinner yet, I would reply, “Beefcake. BEEFCAKE!”.  This was also accompanied by the Tim Tebow drinking game – while watch college football at any point in the last season, drink any time the announcers mention Tim Tebow.  Two if he’s not on the field at the time.  Three if neither of the teams playing in the game you’re watching is Florida.  You get trashed, fast.

Anyway, after the trip, my sister’s job was getting her down, so I thought I’d send her a care package.  What did I think of?  Well, I thought I’d get a variety of protein bars so she could try out some different kinds, maybe a few she hadn’t had before:

Titan. Rockin' Roll. Pure Protein. Yep, I picked them for having the most over the top labels and names of the whole rack of bars. Oh, and one chocolate one, because I'm not a total jerk. At least not all the time.

And of course, we can’t show affection without some mocking thrown in, so, while I was at it, I cut a couple of sheets of paper in half and made a few custom labels:

Also a good excuse to play with crayons. I love crayons.

After all, the labels make it easier to put stamps on them…

Pretty sure the post office loves me after this.

So I put her address on the back of the labels like the usual ingredients / nutritional facts label, and went to the post office to get the correct postage for each.  The post lady working weighed each one, and then put elaborate combinations of 5 or 6 stamps on each to get the correct amount, to the penny, for each of the four, including mixing up two the weights and going back and doing them over, until basically the entire back of each of them was covered in stamps.  The people behind me in line totally loved me by time I left.  I then mailed them off, one at a time, over the course of a little over a week.

Pretty sure I should turn this into a side business.

Beefcake.  BEEFCAKE!!!!