Stray Hawkeye

So I’ve been batting this one around in my head for a while, and then I read this article (very, very hyperbolic and one sided,  but still fairly informative none the less), which set me off a bit to finally write this up.  The idea (really sort of 2 ideas together) still definitely has issues, but it’s at least something to think about.  This one’s admittedly equal parts idea and rant, and parts are half joking, though also half not.

Now, in an ideal world, politicians would actually care about representing the views of the people who they are supposed to represent. No US Senator from Minnesota would vote for a bill unless he thought that the people of Minnesota would support it. No Minnesota State Congressman would vote for a piece of legislation unless he thought that the people in his specific district would support it. They would do frequent opinion polls among the people they represent (not national polls) on relevant issues.

However, I think we all know that not how things work. If a drug company promises some money to a campaign in exchange for slightly stricter intellectual property laws, it will probably go through. If the head of the TSA has a side business that has clients that sell body scanners, we’re told we need body scanners in every airport to stay safe. If the steel industry wants higher tariffs to make higher profits to have more money to donate to politicians, the circle of political life goes on.

While there are many, many groups I can give money to as an individual in order to try to elect a given politician, there’s not much I can do to influence him/her after the election until they start making campaign promises the next time around. In short, while companies and interest groups can influence politicians while in office, the average citizen only really comes into discussion around election time.

So, here’s my idea – political bounties (for clarity, so I don’t have the FBI knocking at my door, I’m referring to bounties on laws getting passed/repealed, not on politicians’ heads). Now you may be saying, wait, you want to just buy laws? Well, yes. It basically works that way now for companies, I just want to be more blunt about the government representing the money rather than representing the people. Aside from that, as it stands, companies don’t just have the same rights as individuals, they have more rights.  While an actual person can only donate up to a specific amount of money, corporations basically can spend whatever they want.  I’m just proposing equal rights here.  However, the real key to this idea is that the bounties are only awarded to a politician (or more specifically their reelection fund) AFTER they accomplish what the bounty is for, and that they will be for very, very specific changes.

For instance, I think it’s stupid that I can’t buy beer on Sunday in Minnesota, and I’d like to see that changed. I don’t care which politician introduces the legislation, or what party they’re from. I just want to be able to go grab a bottle of wine for diner on Sunday. So, if this were all set up, I would start a political bounty for legalizing the sale of alcohol on Sunday in Minnesota, and I would contribute a few dollars. And anyone else who thought it was a good idea could also contribute a few bucks. The key here is that the bounty continues to sit and grow until someone introduces a piece of legislation that passes to change the law. No one gets the money until the law is changed.  Basically, we shift the focus for individual campaign contributions from campaign promises to realized results. This would also work for non-incumbents, they could take out loans to campaign on, and pay them back when they got some results and got bounties (or not get elected and go bankrupt I suppose).

Another sort of complimentary idea for this would be that we shut down all direct campaign contributions. Instead, each citizen is allocated $100 (arbitrary number, adjust as you see fit). The $100 comes from tax money, so actually the rich are contributing way more, and the poor way less, but they all get equal say, thus leveling the field some across economic groups that way. Also, I say allocated rather than given because you don’t actually get this money, this money is held by the government and you instruct them (probably via a form on some website) on which campaign to contribute it to and how. This could have a short list of options, such as making the contribution conditional on specific campaign promise being fulfilled. For instance, $50 to Person X unconditionally, and $50 split equally among all politicians who vote to repeal the Patriot Act, if the repeal succeeds. You could also contribute it an interest group, who could then use it to advertise about a specific issue rather than for a specific politician. The key here is that this would be the only money they would be allowed to use. This would help to make it so the government represent (or at least plays to) the people instead of corporations, and it would give all citizen equal say in their government (or again, equal influence over the election).  Politicians would be strictly banned from using any other funds in their campaigns.

The obvious problem with this part, is that you basically have to limit free speech in order to keep companies and rich people from buying their own advertising. And it sort of presupposes that elections are decided by how much advertising you can do, rather than what people actually think, which gets a bit to the heart of the issue that most people know almost nothing about politics, but are still responsible for choosing politicians. In order to make it manageable, you would also have to limit the list of conditions that you could apply to your contribution. Maybe you could make it so the $100 can be payed out at your will throughout the elected politician’s term?

There’s also the elephant in the room that any change like this would have to be put in place by, you guessed it, politician.  And we’ve already covered where they currently get incentives from.

Ugh.  Politics makes my head hurt, and make me nauseous. This is why I haven’t had much on here about it for a while, and will probably continue that way for a while.

I was thinking of writing a lengthy essay praising ugly college football, but I’ll try to keep it short.

(Side note, “ugly” here being defined as the type of football that results in the “ugly wins” for Iowa this year- defense heavy, forced turnovers, close games (even if they shouldn’t be), 3 yards and a cloud of dust.  Not the “ugly” as in Illinois this year, which just makes you feel bad for them.  I’m referring to the style of play rather than the basic ability level.)

And I don’t just love it because we’ve been winning that way this year (okay, I would probably like it rather than love it if that were not the case).  Even if we had lost against Michigan State, you have to admit, that was a great game. I love ugly football because it puts the focus on the defense.  I love it because it rips apart the hero worship, the quarterback is the only player who matters view that some people have of football, and puts the whole team in the spot light.  It’s a battle of wills, 3 yards and cloud of dust, instead of a two and a half hour game of keep away.  It forces you to remember that it’s a team sport and not just a race for the Heisman.  It forces you to remember those are kids out there and everyone of them is fallible.  That some of them were at their high school proms six months ago. It reminds you that the linemen matter.  A lot.  That a tipped ball can change the game.  That a linebacker getting an extra step is just as important of a part of the game as a receiver running the wrong route (which often turns into “the quarterback making a bad throw”, because he’s the only player on the field, right?).  Because unlike the NFL, where it’s the best of the best of the best, and the play books are interchangeable, in ugly college football, you see the players grow and develop their skills.  You see some of them rise up and some of them falter.  You watch freshmen step up to fill in for an injury. You see a different playbook and strategy every week on both sides of the ball.  Ugly football reminds you of one of the most important aspects of college football, and what makes it a sport worth watching – it’s hugely unpredictable, and every second matters.

And that in many senses, it’s also all so arbitrary.  A couple inches different on any of a huge number of plays, or a penalty called or missed, the ball being a little more slippery from the rain or a running back having a little better grip because he put on different gloves, and Iowa could easily be 4-4 instead of 8-0 so far this season.  Just as many plays the other way, and the 2008 team (9-4) could have had an undefeated season.  And how ridiculous that makes the eternal debate of who’s the best team in college football.  Never mind who’s the best if the championship is played in the rain.  Or in a dome.  Or if they went to play offs and it gave player an extra week to patch up injuries.

It’s ugly, it’s beautiful, it’s a battle of inches and a flip of the coin.  But that’s life.

Go Hawks.

Over the weekend, the Hawks won (yay!) and are now 3-0 (three more to a bowl game).

USC lost (double yay!) (I really, really hate USC, not because they win a lot, but because they have the absolute worst college football fans that I’ve ever encountered.  And we play OSU almost every year.  USC’s fans are far, far worse.  And good teams can have good fans, in fact, Texas has some of the best fans (outside Iowa) that I’ve ever come across.  Thus, I revel in USC’s misery. And given the number of people I’ve met that share this sentiment, I’m pretty sure you could start a profitable niche business selling vials of the tears of USC fans.  Just saying.)

But what really brought back memories was Michigan State losing to Notre Dame.  Not just losing, but blowing a lead late, and then throwing away (literally, with an interception) the chance to win, or at very least tie, the game.  In short, having the chance to shine, and blowing it.  It reminded me of 2006, and more specifically, of this (specifically the mp3 at the bottom of the post).  As the original post authors so well describe the Michigan State vs Notre Dame game from that year:

And then, there are soul-crushing, ball-busting agonizingly excruciating losses that plunge you through the looking glass into a deep, dark spot in your sportsfan soul that is frightening to even think about. Trust me, I’ve been there before. This week, Sparty was on the receiving end of one of these, and the results… were not so pretty.

You don’t need to remember the game to appreciate it, the audio pretty well describes what happened.  It was far, far worse than this year’s loss. The clip is really funny, and bizarre, and a little painful for loyal sports fans.  It’s also incredibly quotable.

Now, to make clear, I don’t hate Michigan State.  In fact, I don’t even really particularly dislike them.  And I don’t like seeing a Big Ten team lose a non-conference game, nor do I often make the practice of reminding others about when such a thing happens.  After all, when the Big Ten loses, it makes Iowa look bad, and that’s who really matters in the end.  But…. the clip is just so good, and terrible, and great, that it has to be shared.

Oh yeah, probably as NSFW as broadcast radio gets.  Probably best listened to with fellow college football fans, while fairly drunk.

MAKE PLAYS!!!!

First off, this post has been brewing in my head for a while, so it’s the culmination of a lot of frustration and anger built up over a long time.  Not to mention the combination of lots of not totally related bicycle themed anger.  And it’s long.  Just warning you.

Second, let me tell you about the particular incident that happened today (one of several today in fact), that caused me to finally snap and get around to writing this rant.

On my way home from work, I was driving down 26th St.  If you’re not familiar with Minneapolis, 26th and 28th St are both one ways (going opposite directions) that are 2-3 lanes wide (varies as they go across town) that run from one side of Minneapolis to the other, and are accordingly the fastest way across town most of the time, and generally very busy.  They have stop lights about every 5 block on average, and a speed limit of 30, so most people go 35.  Scene set.

So, driving along 26th, with the 35 mph flow of traffic during rush hour, I notice a girl (okay, woman, probably 20’s-30’s) on her bike coming from my right down one of the side streets that crosses 26th.  There’s a stop sign on the cross street, and 26th doesn’t have a stop.  As this is just a couple blocks past a stop light, there’s a pretty large clump of cars coming down 26th, and I’m the second one back in the right lane.  The bicyclist doesn’t seem to be slowing much, even though she’s approaching a stop sign at a busy street.  I slow down a bit (to probably 30) because I’m an exceedingly cautious driver (not trying to paint myself in a glowing light here, just noting I regularly get made fun of for driving like a grandma).  I assume she’ll either stop somewhat quickly, or just turn and ride on the sidewalk, which I see bikers do all the time along 26th / 28th, because with all the traffic and the speed of traffic, biking on them is kind of nuts.

She does the biker not stop or turn on to the sidewalk, she doesn’t even slow down or look before blowing straight through the stop sign into traffic and half way across the lane in front of me.  Not even a glance.   I slam on the brakes HARD, and swerve into the other lane to avoid killing this girl, without being able to check if there is a car in the other lane first.  I still only manage to miss her by maybe a foot as I go careening, skittering what’s left of the loose gravel into the other lane.  Not only did I come incredibly close to ending up with this girl under my car, I also came within inches (like I’m not totally sure if my rear view mirror of my car touch their trunk lid or not) of clipping the car in the other lane just in front of me.  And when I say brake HARD, I mean pulling up the seal-coating hard.

A good half an hour later now my pulse is starting to approach a normal rate again.

The point I would really like to stress in all of that is that not only did I almost accidentally kill this girl due to her flagrant disregard of her own safety and traffic laws, she didn’t even glance to see if there were cars coming.

Not just that she didn’t slow down and turn her head a little.

No.

She didn’t even look in the general direction of oncoming traffic.  If she had been a half second later, or if I hadn’t slowed down just a little when I noticed her, she would have driven directly into the side of my car without even having seen me coming.  Even with the sound of cars screeching and swerving around her, she never glanced back that the pile up she almost caused.

So, let me now get to the main point of my post: Bikers, I’m trying to not kill you.  Please stop making this such a difficult task.

Now, I realize, like with all things, there may be 1,000 sane, respectful, safe bikers out there for every idiotic jack-ass like this one.  But this is still by no means an isolated incident of idiotic suicidal jack-assery.  I quite frequently see bikes fly through stop signs and cars having to slam on their brakes to not hit them.  Or bikes weaving on and off of the sidewalk to pass people or get around one-ways.  Or just flat out go the wrong way down one-ways.

Just TODAY, prior to this near homicidal experience, not 5 blocks before it in fact, there was a biker going the wrong way down the same one way street.  About two weeks ago I saw someone biking not only the wrong way down that same street, but he was going the wrong way while riding squarely DOWN THE CENTER STRIPE of the one way into a ton of traffic.  Every car slowed down and moved over so the biker could continue going the wrong way down the center of the one way safely (well, as safely as one can do that).

Here’s another one that wouldn’t usually be notable, as it falls more into the rude rather than suicidal category, except that it also happened TODAY.  I was going the other way, down 28th, on the way to work this morning. There was a biker in front of me going 12mph.  Exactly 12 mph.  In a 30.  Okay, it’s a bike, I try to be nice.  Again, I drive like a grandma, minus the perpetual left hand turn signal.  So, I go 11.5 mph for about 3 blocks until there is space to get in the other lane and pass him. I go around him and pull back into the right lane because I have to turn right in a few more blocks.  About a block after I pass him, we reach a stop light that’s red.  There’s five or six cars ahead of me already stopped.  The biker then cuts over into the gutter of the street, and passes all of us, on the right, while we’re stopped at the light.  He then pauses (not stops) at the light and goes through the red light, and pulls back out to take up the whole lane on the other side of the intersection.  So, several cars that were pretty courteous in giving him enough space have to go 12mph for another 5 blocks until they can pass safely again.  But why bother, because he’s just going to do it again at the next light, and every one after that, all the way across town.

Again, not something I would usually blog about, but rude, and something I see a lot.  Beyond that, it was on 28th.  Which is LESS THAN ONE BLOCK from the Midtown Greenway, which parallels 28th.  If you’re not familiar with the Greenway, it’s a dedicated commuter bike path.  It goes all the way across Minneapolis, one side to the other, and then lots more.  It’s bikes and pedestrians only.  It used to be rail road tracks, so it’s dead flat, and almost all the streets it crosses have bridges over it, so you don’t even have to cross streets as you bike.  It’s a bicycle highway.  It even has exit ramps.  Seriously.  Exit ramps.  It is, in short, the perfect place to bike.  Even more so if you’re trying to get across town.  Like you would on 26th / 28th if you were driving.  Which again, is the scene of all of the above.  Which just compounds the stupidity / rudeness of it all.

Now again, let me point out again, I have nothing against bicycling or bicyclist in general.  Overall I’d say it’s a great form of transportation / exercise / recreation.  It’s much better for the environment and communities in general than driving (less parking = less sprawl = less need for cars = less parking …. = more active and personable neighborhoods).  I’ve actually just been learning to bike (though that’s a post for another day).  And I’m fascinated by all the variations of bikes out there and all the modifications and so on.

But, it just seems like bikes bring out the self-righteous jack-ass in so many people.

Another bike related rant/story, while we’re on it.  Once, at a party, I was talking to a guy who is what I would deem a bicycle zealot.  We were discussing commuting to work and I mentioned that I couldn’t ride a bike (hadn’t learned yet), so I took the bus to work.  His response was, and I quote, “you actually ride in those fossil fuel burning behemoths?”  That’s right, I was taking mass transit rather than driving alone, and I was riding in “those fossil fuel burning behemoths.”  He then worked the phase “fossil fuel burning behemoths,” that exact phrasing, into the conversation 6 more times in about 3-4 minutes.  He may have said it more, but after the 6th time in a row with the same phasing and disdainful tone, I had to go refill my beer and remove my teeth from the tight clamp they had formed around my tongue.

Perhaps part of my anger on the subject of bicyclist and their interactions with cars comes from the status of bikes.  As any biking zealot will tell you, bikes aren’t in the way of traffic, they are traffic.  And I couldn’t agree more.  I’m not sure if it was my parents, or my driver’s ed teacher, or just the laws in Iowa, but I always learned that as far as traffic laws go, bikes are cars.  Period.  A car has to signal when it turns.  So does a bike.  When you want to pass a car, you can only do so when there’s a striped center line, and you have to give the other car the whole lane as you pass it.  Same with bikes.  You have to stop at a stop light that’s red, and stay stopped until it turns green, even if there’s no traffic.  Same with bikes.  You can’t drive your car on the sidewalk.  Same with bikes.  You should follow at a distance far enough back so that no matter what stupid thing the person in front of you does, you can stop without hitting them.  Same when following bikes (bearing in mind they can come to a complete stop immediately if they fall over).  You can’t pass on the right, or in intersections.  Same for bikes.  You have to stop at stop signs and wait there if the cross traffic doesn’t have a stop.  Especially if you don’t want to be nearly run over.  With out looking.

This brings me to my secondary point / plea for bicyclists.  If you want to be treated like traffic, act like traffic.  Just like if you want to be treated like an adult, act like an adult.

If you keep jumping from the sidewalk to the street and back as is convenient to you, chances are good people won’t give you much space as they pass.  If you pass people on the right at stop lights, chances are pretty good that people won’t think twice of blowing right past you on the next block and will barely move out of their lane to do so.  And if you act responsibly, you’ll (probably) be treated with more respect.

This is also why I profoundly hate Critical Mass.  The “logic” for which seems to go something along the lines of: “We are traffic, so to prove it, we’ll ride around and violate every traffic law we can think of.  Not to mention we’ll purposely try to piss off the car drivers we would supposedly so like to have share the road with us.”  I also hate that they do this at 5pm, on Fridays, down town.  So, not only are they making drivers hate and loath bikes while reinforcing that bikes have no concern for their own safety and are self-righteous jack-asses, they’re doing it to people who are down town at 5pm on Fridays.  You know who is driving down town at 5pm on Fridays?  People whose live already suck.  They work in cubicals down town for massive faceless corporations, and not only that, they have already had the only great part of the work week (leaving an hour or even a half hour early on Friday) violated because their boss has decided that whatever deadline they were working on was more important than the weekend, happiness, or a social life.  You want to know when they should have Critical Mass?   At 2pm on Tuesdays.  Why?  Because if you’re out driving around at 2pm on a Tuesday your life is awesome already and could use a little evening out.  Plus, you’d probably be more sympathetic to the cause than overworked, burnt out, end of the week corporate slaves.  But I digress.

Not to say for a moment that every car driver is a saint or respectful either.  After all, there are plenty of BMW’s and Volkswagen Jettas on the road to attest to car driver jack-assery as well.  This isn’t meant to be a one sided argument.  We’re all on the road together here. (For Red Green fans, I’m pulling for you.)  And until there are a whole, whole lot more bike lanes than there are now, it’s going to stay that way.

I”m just saying that the more often that people see bikes do stupid, dangerous things when driving near cars, the more likely cars will be to do stupid, dangerous things when driving near bikes.  After all, if bikes (as a generalized whole concept in people’s minds) feel safe passing me one foot away, then they must feel safe if I do the same.  Right?  Again, the give and take of both sides figuring out what’s socially acceptable.

I’m still sticking to my bikes are cars view though.

And again bikers, I’m trying not to kill you.  I nearly wrecked my car today trying not to kill you.  Now would you please stop making it so damn hard?

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Bonus side note:  Number of times jack-ass or some derivative was used in this post: 5.  Though counting this note, it’s 6, you fossil fuel burning behemoths.

Remember when Chrysler / Jeep / Dodge did their “Let’s Refuel America” guarantee of $2.99 gas for 3 years for anyone buying one of their new vehicles, in order to offset their cars being gas guzzlers?  Given that gas has been cheaper than $2.99 since October of last year (so they haven’t had to pay a dime to this program since then) how are they not swimming in cash?  How terrible of financial shape would they have been in if gas prices had actually kept going up?  How much more of your tax money would they be holding on to for you then?  Remind me again why we have any faith at all in them to not blow through every dime we give them?

Why we don’t let them fail, and let other car manufacturers buy up their facilities and equipment at bankruptcy sale prices and actually build decent cars with it that will sell under a realistic business model?  Honda and Toyota already have plants in the US.  Yes, that Japanese Honda Accord is made in Ohio, and that Japanese Toyota Tundra is made in Texas, in fact, most of their line up is built here.

Or, break Chrysler up under anti-trust laws into the three brands they’ve already made themselves, so parts of them can fail without taking out a huge sector of the economy.  (Same for GM.  Ford I’ll be gentle on for the moment since they actually show signs of being in tune with the market, have a reasonably sized line up, and didn’t take government funds.)  Anti-trust laws exist so the words “too big to fail” should never be uttered.  Too bad the government hasn’t really enforced them since the early to mid ’90’s.

In case Americans weren’t fat and lazy enough already, you can now order pizza directly from your Tivo.  That’s right, you don’t even have to get up to find your phone to call the pizza place.  You can keep your eyes glued to the TV, your ass firm planted on the couch, and still get your fat and grease delivered to you so you can be sure it will stay that way.

Idiocracy here we come.