Except I was driving about two blocks away exactly at the moment of the initial blast, which was probably twice as high as the above.

My first thought was I should pull over and call 911, and as the though crossed my mind, 4 or five cars in front of me pulled over.

Okay, so really the first thought to cross my mind was something to the effect of HOLY F(*@ING S#!+ #%)Q ^&# $)^&!# ^)#@*$@ #)*^* ^&# !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Then, oh, I should call 911. Followed by, oh, those people probably have it covered.

Followed by, why is it so hot all of the sudden. Because in my car with the windows up, 2 blocks away (though straight downwind), going 60mph, it suddenly got really, really hot in my car. Like in a short sleeve shirt, no jacket, and sweating hot.

Followed by little bits of burnt, melty gunk falling on my wind shield.

My next thought was, hmm, I should get the #$%^ out of here, because though the inital fireball had gotten smaller (and by smaller, I mean what you see in the video above), it kept burning. And there not being much black smoke would mean some kind of fuel burning rather than a house or car or something. And if there’s one tank of fuel to blow up, there could be a bigger one next to it.

So, I kept driving to work and could see the base of the flame from the highway as I drove past, just like at the end of the video above, except from the other side and a little higher up. In case you’re not familiar with the area, it looks something like this:

The explosion happened when I was where the blue line starts, straight east of the fire was where it got really hot and I could see the base of it burning. Note this is pretty much exactly the chunk of highway that got shut down as soon as police could get there to block it off.

By time I got to work, I still didn’t know what exactly it was. However, I work a couple of stories up above the trees line and could still see it clearly from my desk, about 4 or 5 miles away. Okay, not quite from my desk, I’m not that close to the window. But if you stood up and took a couple of steps to down the row, you could see it from there. About ten minutes later reports started popping up on local news sites that there was a fire of some sort, and about twenty minutes after that that it was a gas main that exploded.

It burned for a good hour more after that, visible from miles away the whole time.

There’s a fair amount of coverage, pictures, and videos on the local news sites:

• Strib
• Fox 9
• WCCO

Also alternate titles for this post that are okay to laugh at now because we know no one got hurt:

• I was hoping for a spring warm up, but this is ridiculous!
• Minneapolis fails in bid for winter Olympics, but is awarded temporary custody of the torch as consolation
• Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Smores For Everyone!
• The Vulcan Krewe is really getting out of hand, well, more than usual
• Minneapolis starts new St Patrick’s tradition, falls to outshine Chicago’s green river (seriously, while standing by the window watching this thing burn from miles away, my coworkers started talking about how amazing the green river in Chicago is, and how bright of a green it is, you know, not dark like you’d expect, and how the boats go back and for to mix it up after the first boat FOR FUCK’S SAKE WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS WHEN THERE’S A GIANT PLUME OF FLAME RIGHT FUCKING THERE!?!?!?)

So, hopefully the drive to and from work tomorrow will be a little less eventful.  Might stop and get a Shamrock Shake on the way home though.  So there’s that.

And now, the parallel.

While I was still in college, I was walking back from class one afternoon near the end of winter.  As I was walking up Jefferson St towards the Pentacrest I saw a girl crossing the street that sort of stuck me off guard.  She was wearing a short skirt, and after a long Iowa winter, it just sort of struck me that, hey, it’s Spring.  The First Skirt of Spring.

A few notes of clarification, paralleling the first day you wake up and hear birds singing.  No matter how cold it gets outside, there’s pretty much always a few women around wearing long skirts with tights underneath, or in short skirts scurrying off to the bars.  Like the ravens.  But there’s something entirely different about the First Skirt of Spring, just like there’s something entirely different about waking up to song birds.  It’s that it catches you a little off guard, but after a second of stun, it makes sense, and fits, and makes you a little happy of the things to come.  It’s where you sort of realize that living in a cold climate and being single makes you sort of Amish for four or five months of the year.  (Visible skin above the knee?!?! Scandalous!!!!)

Now, admittedly I’ve had this post on my to do list for a while now, so I’ve been giving an undue amount of thought to what exactly qualifies as the First Skirt of Spring, especially given the slow yet sporadic warm up we’ve been having this year.  I haven’t come up with any really certain definition yet- basically, it’s just something you know when you see it.  At the same time in thinking it over, and watching for it (yes, even in my late 20′s I’m well on my way to becoming a creepy old man) I’ve come up with what I think are some loosely defined qualifications, any of which can be omitted if you know it when you see it:

• Must be outside.
• Skirt must be above the knee.  Preferably mid-thigh.  This is both to have enough skin visible to be entirely eye catching after the winter, and also for it to be really damn cold if it’s too early.
• Girl must not look cold or seem to be in a hurry to get somewhere warm.  This disqualifies winter bar whores and provides the requirement that it must actually be warm enough out for a short skirt, as the weather and the fact that this is just the first one of something that will become common shortly is a large part of the First Skirt of Spring phenomenon.
• No leggings or visible tights.  Again, it must actually be warm enough out for a skirt.
• It doesn’t matter if you happen to find this particular girl, or this particular outfit, attractive.  Bonus points if you do, but again, it doesn’t have to be the prettiest song in the world, just a reminder that birds sing and the flowers will be blooming soon.  (Welcome to mixed metaphor junction.)

Now, so far this Spring, I’ve seen several instances that were very close.  One girl with a very short skirt, but tights and a jacket.  Another with bare legs, but right at knee length.  A few others as well that were eye catching after an Amish inducing cold winter (I walked into my run club a couple weeks ago on a warm day, and everyone was wearing shorts, and upon seeing so much bared skin in public I had a moment of feeling like I had walked in on something entirely improper).  But none that have given that moment of, “Ah, it’s Spring.”  I think in no small part this is because I suspect that we’re still going to get one more snow before we’re totally out of it.  And even on the warm days, there has still been just a little briskness in the air that says, “not yet.”

However, it’s supposed to get into the 70′s later this week….

I also occasionally wonder if there’s a female equivalent to the First Skirt of Spring.  The First Biker Shorts Guy of Spring?  The First Shirtless Runner of Summer?  Ladies, help me out here.

Granted, the religious fundies would just deny that we had ever been to Mars, or claim the oil was put there by god 5,000 years ago to test their faith. And there would have to be oil on Mars in the first place. And we’d have to figure out how to make SUVs run at several hundred degrees below zero with double the gravity. And I have no clue how fertile Martian soil is. But I can dream, right?

Or maybe we could just reproduce less.

Sinclair took me up on the suggestion that we go down to the Iowa vs Minnesota game this year and go tailgating.  Nessie sent me a letter and said that she was going to swim up to meet us there, but that Mississippi current was too strong for her, and unlike Sinclair, every time she asked a barge captain for a ride, he’d scream in fear and mutter something about needing to “cut back” and run away.  However, she told me that she had a certain feeling we’d meet another Iowa fan at the game if we told her where we’d be tailgating, so I sent her the address.

We drove down to Iowa for the game the night before so we could sleep a little there and go tailgating.  We got up early, but Sinclair was pretty restless.

"I wonder where Minne went..."

So I told him to go for a little walk to burn off some energy, since he seems to be good at that.

"I'm so excited for my first Iowa game!"

"Hey, who are you?" "I'm Parker, I think Nessie told you about me."

"So you're who she was talking about. You look strangely familiar for some reason." "Of course I do, I'm (dramatic pause) your brother!"

Brothers gotta hug

"Come tailgate with us Parker" "Okay" "Kearn, grab Parker a beer!"

"That's okay Kearn, I think I'll just stick with Diet Coke for now."

“Come to think of it, Sinclair, are you old enough to drink?”

"Of course I am. I'm a dinosaur. I'm over 65 million years old."

“Oh, I suppose that makes sense, kind of.  Ready for another?”

"Yes, thanks. Um, can you tip it up just a little more? No arms or thumbs and all."

“Sure.  Are you guys hungry?  We’re a little too lazy to do actual grilling tailgate food, but we do have some cookies and chips.”

"COOKIES!!!!! OM NOM NOMNOMNOM"

"I thiNK I'll jJUst have SOome of ThEse MUNchiEsSSs"

“Sinclair, that’s an awful lot of beer to drink that fast, especially for someone your size.”

NOMNOMNOMNOM

"Yuuurrr RIGHT! I think I'LL ssswitch To suma THISSSTuff."

And I think we all know where that leads.  About 20 minutes later it was almost time to go to the game…

"uhhhhh, I don't feel so good"

“Here Sinclair, have some water.”

“Thanks, I think I might stay back and take a little nap.  Parker can use my ticket and go to the game with you guys.”

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?”

“Yeah, though it is a little chilly.  Do you have anything I could borrow to cover up with?  I’m cold blooded and all…”

“Sure, here, hop in the car.  I happen to have an old Iowa Marching Band raincoat that you can cover up with.  It even has the old fuzzy fleece liner in it.  I’ll even tuck you in.”

"Thanks Kearn! You and Parker enjoy the game now!"

So, we started walking to the game.

"Wow, that's a lot of people for still being this far from the stadium, there must be a lot of Iowa fans."

"Hmmm, glad I don't have to play these guys..."

Parker made some friends along the way too.

"Goose people!"

"Look guys, look! There it is! I can hear the crowd from here! Let's hurry!"

"Look at all these people! Even Mr. Kinnick is here!"

It took a little while to get in, but we got there just in time.

"LET"S GO HAWKS!!!"

"WOOOOOO!!!!"

We settled in to watch the game, and before too long...

TOUCHDOWN IOWA!!!

And the point after...

"I... O... W... A..."

It was a little quiet for a while after that.

Halftime. Where Minnesota hears a little rah-rah speech and Pat Angerer plots even more creative ways to grind Minnesota's offense into the turf.

Parker got a little bored during half time…

"RAWR!!! I big scary monster! Parker stomp!!"

He takes after the defense.

A little while later, they got ready to kick off the second half, and we’re all lucky Parker was there.

"Look out Gopher! That guy's going to light you on fire!"

Parker quickly ran down and restrained the unruly fan.  After all, we’d hate to see the Minnesota team catch fire for the first time since Decker got hurt.

All clear, proceed.

The second half was, shall we say, less than photogenic.  But at least one fan in front of us did get pretty excited.

"WOOO! Time out! Yeah!"

Until we finally arrived at the greatest (if also most blurry) play in football, the victory formation.

Take a fuzzy knee boys.

12-0. Not the 12-0 we hoped for, but we'll take it. And the second year in a row of shut outs.

"Ohh, that looks fun! Let's go join!"

"Quick! I want to meet Floyd!"

A side note, dinosaurs are incredibly slow on steps.  So, it took a little while to get down there and we missed Floyd, but we did get to see…

Touchdown Parker!

A security guard came over and tried to punt Parker right after this picture. I'm not kidding.

So, after the meanie security guard, we decided to go meet the band.  They were much nicer, one even let Parker try his horn.

HONK!!!!!

Then we went over to meet the cheer leaders, they were pretty nice too, and seemed to like Parker…

"I think she's checking me out."

Over all it was a fun game and a great day.

Go Hawks.

Until next time Mr Kinnick, until next time.

"Bye Nile!" "Bye Parker!"

Hi Kearn,

I forgot to mention, I have a little buddy down here too.  His name’s Sinclair.  When he saw your post about Minne and her website, he couldn’t wait to get up there.  He’s pretty young, and has lots of energy, and kind of wears me out, so I thought it would be good for him to burn off a little energy with an outing, so I let him go ahead.  I gave him some directions to Minneapolis, but my directions might not be the best since I haven’t been there before.  I also gave him your address so he could get a hold of you when he gets there.  Hope you don’t mind.  He’s quite friendly.

Oh, and be sure to have a little extra food on hand.  I packed him a lunch before he left, but I’m sure he’ll work up quite the appetite on the trip.

I’m moving a little slower these days, so I think I’ll just plan to meet up with you at the Iowa Minnesota game if these fins can hold up to that strong Mississippi current.  See you then,

Nessie

Sure enough, tonight I heard a little tapping at my door, and when I opened it, there stood a little tiny, shivering green dinosaur.  I could tell from his tattoos that this must be Sinclair, so I brought him in and got him some hot cocoa, a blanket, and some lawn clippings.  He thanked me, and I asked him how his trip was.

“It was good, and there were all sorts of wonderful things and nice people along the way.”

“How did you manage to get up here so quickly?  It’s a long ways from Florida, I didn’t think I’d see you for at least a few more days yet.”

“Oh, well, I didn’t walk the whole way, I made friends with a sea captain, and he gave me a ride over to New Orleans, and then a barge friend of his gave me a ride up the Mississippi.  It was a really fun ride, he even let me ride up front!”

“Then, once we got up to Minneapolis, I saw a waterfall in the river, and I got scared, so I jumped off the barge and swam over to the shore.”

Boy, it sure was cold in there.

But there's no way I would have made it up that waterfall

“As soon as I got out of the river, I saw a little path going up the hill, so I thought I would go up and see if anyone could help me find my way.”

I hope the whole city isn't this steep, my little legs will wear out

“As luck would have it, as soon as I got to the top of the hill, there was a big guy sitting right there, so I asked him if he knew how to get to Lake of the Isles, but he didn’t say a word.”

Must be the strong, silent type

So, I asked one of his friends there.

Excuse me Mr Guthrie, would you know how to get to Lake of the Isles?

Well, Sinclair, I don't travel from here much, but I think if you go towards that giant bubble over there and then turn right, you'll be on your way

“Thanks Mr Guthrie!”, I shouted, and headed toward the big bubble.

Hmmm, not much a crowd today

It seemed sort of quiet, but it must be a wonderful place to have all the huge inside space when it’s so cold out, they must use it for everything thing here.  It must be busy all the time!  I guess I must have caught it on the one quiet day of the year.  So, I kept going, and turned right, like Mr Guthrie told me to.

Then I saw all these giant square rocks sticking up into the sky.

Better keep moving, no stopping here

Then I saw a building that I read about on Stray Hawkeye, the headquarters of the Star Tribune.

Future home of the Pie-Star

I had to get my picture with their sign.

Maybe I could be their mascot?

But then I wasn’t sure where I was going again, so I decide to ask someone.

Excuse me Mr Brown, do you know how to get to Lake of the Isles?

“Sorry, I’m terrible with directions,” he said, “Lucy might know though.”

Why yes Sinclair, I actually have some directions written up on this paper.

“Thanks Lucy!  And my that’s a pretty colored dress you have on.”

“Thank you Sinclair, and good luck on your trip!”

So, the directions said I’m supposed to follow the train tracks to Nicollet Mall, and then turn left.

Wait, isn't the beer train supposed to be Coors Light?

I decided to stop for a snack, I was getting awfully hungry from all that walking.

Hope no one will mind

That's a funny looking rock. Pretty though. Not a bad setting for a snack.

That should hold me over for a little bit.  After a couple blocks, I check for directions again, just to be sure.

Okay, just a couple more blocks to Nicollet? Thanks!

This is why I don't trust the skyways.

Oh, this must be Nicollet Mall! Let's see, I turn left here.

So, I started walking down Nicollet Mall. It’s a busy place!

OOoooo, shiny tall rock.

Umm, Ma'am? You might want to keep your hat, it gets awfully cold here from what I hear.

Ohh, a wedding party, fancy. Congrats!!

I was getting really cold, especially with no hat, so I decided to go inside for a little bit, and try out the skyways.

Ahhhhh, much warmer.

Let’s see, just up the escalator here.  Hmm, I might stop for a little snack while I warm up.

Om nom nom nom nom.

Another up hill, this is a long ways.

Not a bad view, but I'm getting really turned around up here.

I decided I should go back outside, so I could get my bearings again, and right there were some of Minne’s goose people friends!

They're even Minne sized!

I decided to go make some friends.

So, just a few more block that way to a fountain and then right to Loring Park? Thanks big bird!

An Irish pub? I think Nessie would like it here

Just a couple more block that way? Thanks Mr Conductor!

Another British pub? Nessie would definitely like it here.

Oh, there's the fountain, this must be where I turn.

Boy this is a long ways

I was just thinking, I could use another snack, and then…

A BUFFET!!!!!

I didn’t see any trays, so I just helped myself.  I got a full tummy.  And you know what I saw next when I started walking again? A playground!!!!

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy...

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!!!

WHHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

That was awesome.  But, I should probably keep walking.  Bye bye playground!

This must be Loring Park. Hmm, let's see if I can find some one who can tell me where to go from here.

Oh, more goose people, they should be able to help!

Okay, over the bridge, through the garden, and then through Kenwood.

This is a lot of steps, couldn't they make them shorter? I can barely get up them all.

Well, at least I'm not driving, that looks confusing!

Uhhh, I don't get it.

Ahhh! Goose poop! I'm standing in goose poop! It's everywhere! Icky!!

So, I rinsed off my feet, and then walked through Kenwood.  Not much interesting there, just lots of big houses.  The people back there must have huge families to need that much space.  Even a lake monster would have a hard time filling some of those houses!  So, I just kept walking.

I'm not quite a duck, but it works.

Okay, all clear now, let's go!

Let's see, I think I'm getting close. Kearn said Minne was on the West side of the lake.

Let's see, if Lake of the Isles that way, and Kenilworth Lagoon is this way, and Albuquerque that way... Wait, what?

So I eventually found my way over to the part of the lake where Minnie was supposed to be, but she wasn’t there.

Maybe she's diving for some fish? I'll just wait a little bit.

I waited and waited and waited.

I stayed until it was starting to get dark, but still no Minne.

Then I remembered that Nessie had given me your address, so I decided to come visit you before it got too dark out, and see if you knew where Minne went?”

“I’m sorry Sinclair,” I said, “but I don’t know where Minne went.  Actually, I don’ think anyone knows where she went. We’ll need to investigate.  But first, let’s get you ready for bed.  You must be exhausted from your trip, we can work on figuring all this out in the morning.  Now go brush your teeth.”

“Do I have too?”

“Yes Sinclair.  We don’t want you to end up with cavities from all those snacks you had today.”

“Okay.”

Find out next time, on another exciting episode of Lake Creatures Of Our Lives!

Like giant flippered boulders through the hourglass, so are the pleosaurs of our lives.

It was really cool not only because it was a live performance coupled with a great movie (City Lights is awesome, highly recommended), but because it’s also the way silent movies were originally shown – with a live musician either performing the score along with it (often on just a piano), or completely improving a score for the movie as it played.

I also remember that at some point even longer ago, I saw something on TV about old movies, and I believe one of them was a Charlie Chaplin one as well, where they were saying that it’s a bit hard to restore a definitive version of the movie, because it was originally produced with 4 different scores, any one of which could be played with the film, and each one of which had a very different tone and style, each giving the whole movie a very different feel.

So, here’s my idea for the more cinematic crowd out there. I’d like to see a website called Four Score (intentional pun on Lincoln’s speech) where a film maker produces a modern silent movie, and then releases it to the website. Any user (or possibly a select group of preselected composers, up to you) can then submit a score / sound track for the movie in the form of an mp3 to be played along with the movie. The best four are voted on, and the 4 different versions of the movie are then released on the site. I would tend to imagine this would work best with shorts, maybe in the 5-10 minute range, just so people would be willing to watch the different versions, and so the idea of coming up with a score for them would be at least somewhat within reach of the average user.

Now, onto the actual post, and yes, this is the most coherent way I could think of to put all the thoughts together…

I was out running around the lakes and saw you out there again, over in the west part of Lake of the Isles now.  Sorry I haven’t written sooner, but you keep moving around and are a little hard to keep track of.  Besides, where does one address a letter to you?  “Lake Creature, About 50 feet off the west shore of Lake of the Isles, Minneapolis, MN 55405″?  So, I figured I’d try a blog post instead and see if you happen to read it.  Anyway, while I was running, I was thinking, with it getting cold out like it is, we really need to get you ready for the winter here.  After all, I figured I should do what I can to help out a fellow stray.

The winters here can get pretty rough, and the lakes freeze.  Don’t worry though, even though it’s cold, you’ve still got a couple months.  The lakes take a while to cool down that much, plus, I’ve got a plan, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

So, I’m not sure where you’re from originally, but we celebrate Halloween here.  We dress up in costumes, and go around asking for candy, and people actually give you candy on this day!  So, I thought we should get you a costume to help you fit in a little more.  While I was running tonight, I was trying to think of how we could dress you up.  The first thing I thought of was that we could put a jack-o-lantern on your back.  Like this:

Minne with a pumpkin

It would be pretty festive, really simple and easy to do, and would really get you participating in the holiday.  Then I thought about it a little more, and it would probably roll off in the wind, and you’d have to hold pretty still.  Besides, who wants a rotting hunk of gourd on their back?  Not me.  So, I kept thinking.

My next thought was that you could dress up as a pirate.  It’s a pretty classic Halloween costume, and you’ve already got the nautical theme going:

Yarrrrrgh Minne

But then I thought about that a little more too.  The hat would probably fly off pretty quickly, and I’m not sure how you’d hold onto the pirate flag.  Plus, we can’t really see your hook / peg flipper (do you have flippers or legs under there?).  So, I kept thinking.

Next I thought zombie.  But that would probably be way too scary for little kids around the lakes, and you already missed the zombie pub crawl this weekend.  So, I kept thinking.

My next idea was Superman – a classic first Halloween costume!

Super-Minne, away!!

I like it, but I’m not sure the cape will look all that good when the wind isn’t blowing just right, and I’m not sure how you feel about spandex, being a lake creature and all.

So, I kept running and kept thinking.  Anyway, it’s getting cold out, and some birds are starting to visit the lakes.  And then I thought of the perfect Halloween costume for you, something that would be a great costume, fit you perfectly, and really make you blend in to the Minneapolis lake scene.

Minne in a goose suit

A little down for the body, maybe some foam or cotton stuffing to make the tail stay up, a little face paint, and a beak with an elastic strap to keep it on.  Not only will you fit right in, it will keep you warm for the next couple of months too!  Plus, you totally have the neck for it!

Besides, this way you can make some friends with the geese out there as they pass through, and get some good tips on where to spend the winter months.  I’m sure they know all sorts of great places!  I think you might like the everglades.  Some of them might even let you travel with them.  I’m sure they’d love to have you leading the “V”!  Of course, maybe you were thinking this already, I saw on your Twitter account that you said “When it becomes cold, I turn into a snow bird”.  Maybe we strays think alike after all!

Anyway, let me know if you need some help with the costume, I’m not great at sewing, but I could give it a shot,

Kearn

Via The Chief Happiness Officer

As I’ve mentioned before, I hate about 95% of music videos out there, am indifferent to about 4.99%, and only actually like about .01% of them.  Most either seem like they’re whatever semi-novel thing that they could come up with to put on screen so the song could get played on MTV-18 (unless that’s become all reality shows as well and we’re on to MTV-19 now).  I really, really like this one.  It makes the song even better.  It may well be my favorite music video. It was the last video Johnny Cash made before he died.

The other great part of the State Fair is, of course, the people watching.  Last year some co-workers and I took an afternoon off to go, and one of them forwarded us people watching fair bingo cards (pdf).  I have no idea where it came from originally, so I unfortunately can’t credit whoever it was that originally came up with it, just got it as an email forward.  It’s great, terrible, but great.  Not having been to the State Fair before, I mostly thought it was a joke.  Not so.  We forgot to print off cards before we left, but by the end we were pretty sure we were playing for a black out card instead of a simple line, and I think we all would have won pretty easily.