You might live in Uptown if…
- Your car has at least 30 bumper stickers on it, including “start seeing bikes” and “keep your rosaries off my ovaries” and “Wellstone!”
- You have a shiny new mac laptop and an iPhone with a $100 a month plan, but have trouble getting the rent check in on time.
- You believe you have eaten or drank something ironically.
- You don’t understand what the word ironically means, but you use it at least once in every conversation.
- You think a bike is a valid main form of transportation when it’s 10 degrees out.
- You can’t even imagine that someone would own a gun that isn’t either a gang member or a deer hunter.
- When they seal coated Hennepin, it was the closest thing you’ve ever come to a gravel road. You had trouble driving biking on it for the first couple weeks.
- You’re male and your pants are skin tight, black, and only go down to mid-shin.
- You have full sleeve tattoos and a toddler.
- You live in Minneapolis and know how to parallel park.
- You love the Walker Art Museum and get violently angry if anyone criticizes it in any way.
- You wear bug eye sunglasses. And are male. And they have gold frames.
- You understand the conditional no-left turn signs on Hennepin and Lyndale.
- As best you remember, Obama got about 70% of the popular vote.
- You get excited at the state fair when you see a real live cow.
- You forget that the houses around Lake of the Isles are unreasonably large.
- You believe bicycles always have the right of way. Even if they’re running a stop sign, going the wrong way, down the center stripe of a one way street, in rush hour.
- You have gone more than six months without going outside the 494 / 694 loop.
- You consider Burnsville to be rural.
- You believe free wifi is a human right.