Apr
27
2011

I’ve witnessed the effects

I saw this on someone else’s site and bookmarked it.  However, by time I went back to it, it was gone.  Fortunately I was able to search and find it on another site, but could not find the original source anywhere, so take this advice with a grain or two of salt:

Important Women’s Health Issue:

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:

  • Dizziness
  • Nausea
  • Vomiting
  • Incarceration
  • Erotic lustfulness
  • Loss of motor control
  • Loss of clothing
  • Loss of money
  • Loss of virginity
  • Table dancing
  • Headache
  • Dehydration
  • Dry mouth
  • And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNINGS:

  • The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
  • The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
  • The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.
  • The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with others without spitting.

Please share this with other women who may need Margaritas.

Thank you.

Comments (1) | Tags: , , , | Written by on Apr 27,2011 |
Mar
29
2010

The First Skirt of Spring

It’s getting to be that time of year here in Minnesota.  The snow is mostly melted.  The ice on the lakes is receding.  The potholes have returned.  And I even saw a V of geese flying North overhead.  Now, these are all good signs that the weather is starting to warm up, and that Spring is on its way.  But it’s always hard to tell when Spring is actually finally here to stay. Some of the geese come back a bit early, and until we hit 90 degrees, I don’t trust that we won’t still get another snow.  However, I’ve found one indicator that seems to be pretty good (which I’ll be paralleling here shortly) – the first day you wake up and hear birds chirping and singing, and you finally, officially know Winter is gone.  Granted, the ravens seem to stay around all winter (I saw a few hopping around outside my apartment on a day that it was -10F this winter), but ravens don’t really sing, especially early in the morning.  There’s just something about waking up and hearing song birds that gives you a certain lift of knowing that it’s going to be getting better from here on out.

And now, the parallel.

While I was still in college, I was walking back from class one afternoon near the end of winter.  As I was walking up Jefferson St towards the Pentacrest I saw a girl crossing the street that sort of stuck me off guard.  She was wearing a short skirt, and after a long Iowa winter, it just sort of struck me that, hey, it’s Spring.  The First Skirt of Spring.

A few notes of clarification, paralleling the first day you wake up and hear birds singing.  No matter how cold it gets outside, there’s pretty much always a few women around wearing long skirts with tights underneath, or in short skirts scurrying off to the bars.  Like the ravens.  But there’s something entirely different about the First Skirt of Spring, just like there’s something entirely different about waking up to song birds.  It’s that it catches you a little off guard, but after a second of stun, it makes sense, and fits, and makes you a little happy of the things to come.  It’s where you sort of realize that living in a cold climate and being single makes you sort of Amish for four or five months of the year.  (Visible skin above the knee?!?! Scandalous!!!!)

Now, admittedly I’ve had this post on my to do list for a while now, so I’ve been giving an undue amount of thought to what exactly qualifies as the First Skirt of Spring, especially given the slow yet sporadic warm up we’ve been having this year.  I haven’t come up with any really certain definition yet- basically, it’s just something you know when you see it.  At the same time in thinking it over, and watching for it (yes, even in my late 20′s I’m well on my way to becoming a creepy old man) I’ve come up with what I think are some loosely defined qualifications, any of which can be omitted if you know it when you see it:

  • Must be outside.
  • Skirt must be above the knee.  Preferably mid-thigh.  This is both to have enough skin visible to be entirely eye catching after the winter, and also for it to be really damn cold if it’s too early.
  • Girl must not look cold or seem to be in a hurry to get somewhere warm.  This disqualifies winter bar whores and provides the requirement that it must actually be warm enough out for a short skirt, as the weather and the fact that this is just the first one of something that will become common shortly is a large part of the First Skirt of Spring phenomenon.
  • No leggings or visible tights.  Again, it must actually be warm enough out for a skirt.
  • It doesn’t matter if you happen to find this particular girl, or this particular outfit, attractive.  Bonus points if you do, but again, it doesn’t have to be the prettiest song in the world, just a reminder that birds sing and the flowers will be blooming soon.  (Welcome to mixed metaphor junction.)

Now, so far this Spring, I’ve seen several instances that were very close.  One girl with a very short skirt, but tights and a jacket.  Another with bare legs, but right at knee length.  A few others as well that were eye catching after an Amish inducing cold winter (I walked into my run club a couple weeks ago on a warm day, and everyone was wearing shorts, and upon seeing so much bared skin in public I had a moment of feeling like I had walked in on something entirely improper).  But none that have given that moment of, “Ah, it’s Spring.”  I think in no small part this is because I suspect that we’re still going to get one more snow before we’re totally out of it.  And even on the warm days, there has still been just a little briskness in the air that says, “not yet.”

However, it’s supposed to get into the 70′s later this week….

I also occasionally wonder if there’s a female equivalent to the First Skirt of Spring.  The First Biker Shorts Guy of Spring?  The First Shirtless Runner of Summer?  Ladies, help me out here.

Comments (1) | Tags: , , , , | Written by on Mar 29,2010 |
Feb
11
2010

What’s in a name?

Margaret Thatcher

Point: “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” – Margaret Thatcher


Lady Gaga

Counter Point:

“Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-Roma-ma-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

Walk walk fashion baby
Work it
Move that bitch crazy”
- Lady Gaga

Comments (1) | Tags: , , , , | Written by on Feb 11,2010 |

Powered by WordPress | Theme: Aeros 2.0 by TheBuckmaker.com with tweaks by Kearn